I had a dream last night. It was a sweet dream. In the dream Donald J. Trump the Chump, our totally defective President suddenly resigned. He resigned with a tweet and the following letter. The tweet said, "to my fellow Americans, it is with a sad heart that I must resign the Presidency of the United States effective immediately''.
Then, I dreamed the following letter was printed on the front cover of the Washington Post. Bob Woodward got the scoop from Donald and verified the facts with Trump.
"I apologize from the deepest part of my selfish, devious soul to all of you for the disgrace I have been as your President. I have continually lied, cheated, stole, abused power, committed adultery, broken laws, made horrible trade deals, colluded with the Russians, obstructed justice, and recently appointed scum ball Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court".
"That appointment was for the sole purpose of Brett possibly saving my ass if I get impeached and prosecuted. I do not even know the guy and he is not my style. Too smart".
"You will all eventually realize I am an idiot and you will turn on me, even my dedicated base of supporters who only sees me with beer goggles on".
"I promised my base a lot of things including a wall to block immigrants. It will never, ever be built and I'm actually sick of hearing about that stupid wall. Worst promise I ever made. Forget it. Wall is cancelled".
"Truth be told I do not give a shit about any of you out there except my close family. But, I would instantly love and treasure any of you stupid enough to help me out of the horrible legal and financial trouble I'm in. You would be my real, new base. Believe me people one more time. I'm being straight with you".
I do love my kids after all. That should be worth some sympathy".
I have made plenty of people rich and happy". I have even pissed away a few bucks to charity".
"I do hope that that rat Michael Cohen rots in jail as well as Paul Manafort and whoever else got in trouble by greedily trying to make money and get power from me and then betraying me. Fuck them. Sorry I never got to throw some people under the bus first".
" If you want to really know my real views on important subjects, you straight and legitimate people out there then here is honest Donald.
I do not care a bit if there is legal abortion or not, gun control or not, foreigners coming into this country with no border wall or not, full employment or a depression, clean air or dirty air, freedom of the press or no freedom of the press. Get it". I only care about things that effect me personally. I care about Money, Sex, Golf, and Food".
"I don't know anything about this political stuff anyway and I will never listen to anyone who wants to teach me about politics. I hate learning". That is the big reason I have screwed up almost all the deals I have ever been part of whether as President or not.
I am an ignoramus and a moron like my cabinet members and others have said. Lucky my dad was rich. The fool kept bailing me out of my bad real estate deals. I blew over 400 million of his money. I don't care. He was an asshole".
"Just ask Mike Pence about me, that straight ass creep, or Kellyanne Conway, who hates me but is in it for the money, or James Mattis, who is trying to save the country from me same as Mike Pompeo is. Everyone knows what a dope I am except some of you.
Even Stormy Daniels got over on me".
"I want this whole mess of being POTUS to go away and I can't ask my dad to get me out of it. I'm screwed for real. I'm having nightmares of Bubba doing me in jail".
I just want to start banging Melania again but she will not let me touch her anymore. Shes so hot. I can't stand it. She is punishing me so bad cause of what I have done.
I want to gobble down Big Macs and fries all day. I want to play golf with celebrities. I want to have perverted sex all over the country and start grabbing p.....y again.
I don't want to have to think about problems anymore. I'm stuck in this mess I have created". I hate this".
.
"I really do not hate the press. That bullshit about the press being my enemy is total bullshit. It's all talk just for publicity. I love the press. I made many of them rich with my crazy style. Ask them. I even used to be a Democrat. I love the New York Times too".
"I also confess I am scared shitless of Vladimir Putin, that rotten Russian KGB killer who I owe billions to". Think about him coming after you? Scarier then Big Bob Mueller".
"Lastly, my most sincere apologies to Mr. Mueller who I admire and want to be like when I grow up. He has all the virtues I do not have such as character, integrity, courage, and intelligence. I do not hate him because he actually is my hero.
I think he's the one who will get me in the end. He is scary and unshakable. A brave real deal war hero. Google him. Figures a war hero will do in chickenshit me.
.
Please give me a pass Mr. Mueller. This whole presidential thing was just a joke that got serious. I got carried away. I'm a good guy".
"So, does anyone want to hire an ex-President who is a great bullshitter and hustler?
I need a job".
"By the way, fuck the make America great again crap. I didn't even invent that slogan but it sure has worked. I'm over it now though.
Meanwhile, the juice is running on Putin's loan. I need money bad".
"Please start a Go Fund Me page for me someone. I'm not kidding. I'm busted". Putin and my tax returns can prove that".
Thank you America.
Donald Chump
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