STUCK SNEEZE EXPLODES IN A SEA OF SNOT ENDING MY ASNEEZIA

I finally sneezed today. I had not sneezed in exactly 19 days. I was going crazy with anxiety. In the midst of this coronavirus pandemic, unemployment in the millions, a crashing stock market, and brutal world conditions I sat in my apartment and was entirely consumed with thoughts of waiting for when I would sneeze.

Yes. This is not a stranger than fiction piece of creative writing. It is about me in mental torment because of this strange, rare, hardly researched condition that has destroyed much of my life. 

My inability to sneeze is not new. It seems logical that each time it happens and than when I finally blast out a sneeze I should be cured. But, over many years it does not work that way. 

The problem just rebuilds again very soon after a sneeze finally comes. Then, soon after a few aborted sneezes I am back sitting and obsessing about the next sneeze I want so desperately to happen no matter what real legitimate problems I have going on. It is so sick.

 Once again, as of yesterday, my sneeze center had been stuck for over six weeks. Not one sneeze had exploded out of my nose. None. Many Aaahs but no Choos. I know because I keep a vigil.  I waited and waited obsessing away for a successful blast. I was met with continual failure and frustration with every urge. Can you even comprehend that?

Finally, yesterday the gates of sneezing fury riveted open my nose and I started to sneeze my head off. One boomer after another for several hours. Snot flying all over. It was orgasmic. It was a gift from heaven. I immediately came out of my morbidly depressed mood and became a descent human being again.

You see, I am a 71 year old, physically healthy, active extremely neurotic Jewish male.
I am not some weirdo seeing how insane my fantasies can go with stranger than fiction writing. This is a true tale. It just so happens I am brutally afflicted with obsessive compulsive disorder. (ocd)

Back in 2006 I was sitting at my desk in my cubicle at the family business in Chicago. I had never even thought about sneezing. I had sneezed normally my whole life. 

Megan, my friend and the woman who sat at the cubicle next to mine changed my life in a heartbeat. She innocently triggered my neurotic head into an inability to complete a sneeze. A relentless hell that has lasted off and on a seeming eternity. 

She innocently stood near my cubicle entrance about to ask a question. I felt a big sneeze coming and help up my finger for her to not talk until I finished my sneeze. 

I went Ahhhh and then she playfully said "now go Choo David". My sneeze immediately aborted and from that day on I have not been able to sneeze normally. Yes. I have sneezed many times but never in a normal consistent way like I'm sure you do. My sneezing nightmare has stopped and started again and again for a few days only to stop again for months.

 I have gone from agony to ecstasy so many times over the years waiting for that elusive sneeze to set me free. A successful few sneezes would only falsely lead me to believing I was cured. 

But, soon I would go back on stuck sneeze again and the frustration would restart. You would think I would say fuck it and stop caring since I knew there was really nothing wrong with me. But, so does every other person on psychological tilt. Understanding crazy is not usually an answer. 

Thinking about sneezing has been a full time job involving thousands of hours of time googling, researching the scant information on what is called "asneezia" and talking to Dr.s and therapists giving me assurances that they knew nothing was physically wrong with me but they could not explain this condition they had never seen or heard of before. 

The issue has always been that I am very physically healthy in my body but not in my mind. All the multitudes of professionals I saw knew nothing about a person not being able to release a sneeze. It is not in anyone's playbook. Too much sneezing is easy to resolve and a no brainer. But, not being able to sneeze even intermittently for many years? Huh?

 I know this all sounds ridiculous right? Well, see how you feel after your honker attempts to go Choo thirty times in a row over a one week period of time and you fail to pop a sneeze?  A little frustrating do you think?

Some background obviously needed.
Add in a lifelong brutal case of ocd. (obsessive compulsive disorder) and you have a very hot mess of a person in me. Thousands of  dollars spent in therapy, countless hours living immobilized with paralyzing obsessions, a life of mental torment.  

Paradoxically, an amazingly wonderful life filled to the brim with all the important blessings like health, a wonderful family, a longstanding lover of indescribable magnitude, many friends. That is me. A lucky lucky guy with a life filled with recreation and joy. But, a tormented nut. Somewhat of a spoiled brat who nonetheless has had my psyche beaten silly.

It's the ocd. Besides the inability to sneeze regularly (excuse me, I just went into a sneezing fit the likes of which I have not experienced maybe ever. I'm jubilant and mentally orgasmic Hallelujah. YES. YES. YES.
I cannot believe it !!!!) 

There has been similar ocd situations so bizarre I could write forever.  Unexplained, frequent urination, decade long confrontations with people, knocking on doors in the middle of the night because of a little noise, doing dangerous things just to get them off my mind. Craziness. 

My issue is all about being bullied and having the guts to stand up for myself. I am totally non-violent and a big chicken.

You get it or you don't out there. I am a real rarity. That is a fact. 

I want so badly for someone to read this story and allow me to make my mark in this world. Where are you, screenwriters, film makers, novelists, etc???

Find me. I have a fascinating life and my stories are spot on true.

David Stein

Email me at tshirtdave69@gmail.com 

I Cannot Sneeze A Story by David Stein   I am afflicted by an unusual condition. I am a 67 year old man who cannot complete a sneeze. There is nothing medically causing the problem. I have not sneezed in six months. I have tried every trick.   I have a weird, unusual, condition. I continually get stuck sneezes. I get the urge to sneeze. I go Ahhh but the Choo will not come. This has been happening almost everyday for about the last eight months. I do occasionally complete a sneeze. It seems I finally sneeze just about the time I am totally out of my mind from not being able to do so.   I have researched this problem for hundreds of hours. No good answers. I have discovered a very rare condition named “Asneezia” that kind of describes my problem. I am sure this condition is psychological. I have not sneezed in the last 5 weeks. I have only sneezed a total of about 5 times in the last eight months. I get the urge to but then I cannot release the sneeze. It is like an orgasm that cannot be completed. . I have asked everyone I know including various Doctors and they have no answer. Everyone tells me it is totally irrelevant whether a person ever sneezes or does not sneeze long as they do not try to stifle it. That can possibly cause infection in the ears and sinuses. That information does not console me.   This problem has me totally obsessed, uncomfortable, nervous and depressed all the time. I keep waiting for the next urge to sneeze to come. It usually does at least once a day but then I cannot fulfill the act. I get more and more depressed each time I fail to sneeze. The only research I have found about this problem being medical is with people who have had strokes. Sometimes their brainstem and medulla will not allow the sneeze reflex to work properly. But then there are usually other reflex problems like inability to swallow and yawn that accompany stroke victims. I have none of those symptoms.   This all started one day when a friend who was talking to me saw me go Ahhh.. She said “now go Choo” .I concentrated on what she said, got distracted, and lost the sneeze urge. I immediately got self conscious about sneezing and started focusing on it and obsessing about it. Ever since then my sneezing has been abnormal. I can actually feel myself stopping the reflex and aborting sneezes. The times I have sneezed in the last eight months are usually when I do not expect to. I never had sneezing problems before. In fact, I never even thought about sneezing. I do not ever remember not being able to sneeze when I wanted to. Now, sneezing is all I can think about.   Help. I am a 57 year old male in very good physical condition. My very neurotic mind is another story. I have suffered from many O.C.D related issues including severe anxiety and hypochondria. The main concern I have is to find someone out there who understands this inability to complete a sneeze problem. Also, I would like to know for sure it is psychological and will not hurt me physically.   Lately, I am thinking that the ability to sneeze normally will never return. I do occasionally complete a sneeze. It seems I sneeze just about the time I am totally out of my mind from not being able to do so. I have researched this problem for hundreds of hours. No good answers. I have found a very rare condition named“asneezia” that kind of describes my problem. I am sure this condition is psychological get the urge to but then I cannot release the sneeze. It is like an orgasm that will not climax. Everyone tells me it is totally irrelevant whether a person ever sneezes or does not sneeze as long as they do not try to stifle it. That can possibly cause infection in the ears and sinuses. That information does not console me. This problem has me totally obsessed, uncomfortable, nervous and depressed all the time. I keep waiting for the next urge to sneeze to come. It usually does at least once a day but then cannot fulfill the act. I get more and more depressed each time I fail to sneeze.   The only research I have found about this problem being medical is with people who have had strokes. Sometimes their brainstem and medulla will not allow the sneeze reflex to work properly. But then there are usually other reflex problems like inability to swallow and yawn that accompany stroke victims. I have none of those symptoms. This all started one day when a friend who was talking to me saw me go Ahhh. She said “now go Choo”. I concentrated on what she said, got distracted, and lost the sneeze urge. I immediately got self conscious about sneezing and started focusing on it and obsessing about it. Ever since then my sneezing has been abnormal. I can actually feel myself stopping the reflex and aborting sneezes. The times I have sneezed in the last eight months are usually when I do not expect to. I never had sneezing problems before. In fact, I never even thought about sneezing. I do not ever remember not being able to sneeze when I wanted to. Now, sneezing is all I can think about.   Anybody have answers? I am a 57 year old male in very good physical condition. My very neurotic mind is another story. I have suffered from many O.C.D related issues, anxiety and hypochondria. The main concern I have is to find someone out there who knows of this inability to complete a sneeze problem. Also, I would like to know if it is psychological and will not hurt me physically. Lately, I am thinking that the ability to sneeze normally will never return. © 2016 David Stein         Share This My Review Points   Reviews Shy Joe I don't want to be an ass but this story sounds like complaining. Is that what you were aiming for? I clicked on the title looking for comedy and this sounds like real life complaining. You could make some rhymes to make it more interesting to keep a reader reading. For instance you take this sentence "I go Ahhh but the Choo will not come." Just add "Through" at the end and you have a fun rhyme. I am a very amateur writer so take this review with a grain of salt. Posted 8 Months Ago Did you find this review constructive?

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