STUCK SNEEZE EXPLODES IN A SEA OF SNOT ENDING MY ASNEEZIA

I finally sneezed today. I had not sneezed in exactly 19 days. I was going crazy with anxiety. In the midst of this coronavirus pandemic, unemployment in the millions, a crashing stock market, and brutal world conditions I sat in my apartment and was entirely consumed with thoughts of waiting for when I would sneeze.

Yes. This is not a stranger than fiction piece of creative writing. It is about me in mental torment because of this strange, rare, hardly researched condition that has destroyed much of my life. 

My inability to sneeze is not new. It seems logical that each time it happens and than when I finally blast out a sneeze I should be cured. But, over many years it does not work that way. 

The problem just rebuilds again very soon after a sneeze finally comes. Then, soon after a few aborted sneezes I am back sitting and obsessing about the next sneeze I want so desperately to happen no matter what real legitimate problems I have going on. It is so sick.

 Once again, as of yesterday, my sneeze center had been stuck for over six weeks. Not one sneeze had exploded out of my nose. None. Many Aaahs but no Choos. I know because I keep a vigil.  I waited and waited obsessing away for a successful blast. I was met with continual failure and frustration with every urge. Can you even comprehend that?

Finally, yesterday the gates of sneezing fury riveted open my nose and I started to sneeze my head off. One boomer after another for several hours. Snot flying all over. It was orgasmic. It was a gift from heaven. I immediately came out of my morbidly depressed mood and became a descent human being again.

You see, I am a 71 year old, physically healthy, active extremely neurotic Jewish male.
I am not some weirdo seeing how insane my fantasies can go with stranger than fiction writing. This is a true tale. It just so happens I am brutally afflicted with obsessive compulsive disorder. (ocd)

Back in 2006 I was sitting at my desk in my cubicle at the family business in Chicago. I had never even thought about sneezing. I had sneezed normally my whole life. 

Megan, my friend and the woman who sat at the cubicle next to mine changed my life in a heartbeat. She innocently triggered my neurotic head into an inability to complete a sneeze. A relentless hell that has lasted off and on a seeming eternity. 

She innocently stood near my cubicle entrance about to ask a question. I felt a big sneeze coming and help up my finger for her to not talk until I finished my sneeze. 

I went Ahhhh and then she playfully said "now go Choo David". My sneeze immediately aborted and from that day on I have not been able to sneeze normally. Yes. I have sneezed many times but never in a normal consistent way like I'm sure you do. My sneezing nightmare has stopped and started again and again for a few days only to stop again for months.

 I have gone from agony to ecstasy so many times over the years waiting for that elusive sneeze to set me free. A successful few sneezes would only falsely lead me to believing I was cured. 

But, soon I would go back on stuck sneeze again and the frustration would restart. You would think I would say fuck it and stop caring since I knew there was really nothing wrong with me. But, so does every other person on psychological tilt. Understanding crazy is not usually an answer. 

Thinking about sneezing has been a full time job involving thousands of hours of time googling, researching the scant information on what is called "asneezia" and talking to Dr.s and therapists giving me assurances that they knew nothing was physically wrong with me but they could not explain this condition they had never seen or heard of before. 

The issue has always been that I am very physically healthy in my body but not in my mind. All the multitudes of professionals I saw knew nothing about a person not being able to release a sneeze. It is not in anyone's playbook. Too much sneezing is easy to resolve and a no brainer. But, not being able to sneeze even intermittently for many years? Huh?

 I know this all sounds ridiculous right? Well, see how you feel after your honker attempts to go Choo thirty times in a row over a one week period of time and you fail to pop a sneeze?  A little frustrating do you think?

Some background obviously needed.
Add in a lifelong brutal case of ocd. (obsessive compulsive disorder) and you have a very hot mess of a person in me. Thousands of  dollars spent in therapy, countless hours living immobilized with paralyzing obsessions, a life of mental torment.  

Paradoxically, an amazingly wonderful life filled to the brim with all the important blessings like health, a wonderful family, a longstanding lover of indescribable magnitude, many friends. That is me. A lucky lucky guy with a life filled with recreation and joy. But, a tormented nut. Somewhat of a spoiled brat who nonetheless has had my psyche beaten silly.

It's the ocd. Besides the inability to sneeze regularly (excuse me, I just went into a sneezing fit the likes of which I have not experienced maybe ever. I'm jubilant and mentally orgasmic Hallelujah. YES. YES. YES.
I cannot believe it !!!!) 

There has been similar ocd situations so bizarre I could write forever.  Unexplained, frequent urination, decade long confrontations with people, knocking on doors in the middle of the night because of a little noise, doing dangerous things just to get them off my mind. Craziness. 

My issue is all about being bullied and having the guts to stand up for myself. I am totally non-violent and a big chicken.

You get it or you don't out there. I am a real rarity. That is a fact. 

I want so badly for someone to read this story and allow me to make my mark in this world. Where are you, screenwriters, film makers, novelists, etc???

Find me. I have a fascinating life and my stories are spot on true.

David Stein

Email me at tshirtdave69@gmail.com 

TRUMP IS A HUMAN HUNK OF POLITICAL CRACK COCAINE

I am so sick of Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, monopolizing my life. But, I cannot stop thinking about him. I admit it. He is a drug and an addiction to me.

I am addicted to watching, listening, talking, tweeting and reading about Trump on CNN, MSNBC  FOX news, Twitter, Facebook, and almost any media where I see his name. 

Wherever I can get a snort of Trump I dive in. I devour his scummy life packed with sensationalized news each day. While despising every disgusting, stupid, vile, reprehensible thing Trump is saying or doing I cannot get enough of this wreck of a human being. 

Just like any junkie I start getting withdrawal symptoms when I am deprived of getting Trump news.  For me, a minute away from Trumps activities is an eternity if something is going on with this evil, low life, gutter rat.    

Eventually, Trump will not be President. The feeling of not getting Trump fixes will be like being cut off from any narcotic. It will be painful. I will badly miss the action he brings to my junkie mind. Trump is an addictive drug, not a person. 

He is a drug of the worst kind because he destroys lives all over the world. I think many people feel like me but do not admit it.

When he is gone I will suffer intense withdrawal symptoms just as I have in the past when giving up gambling, cigarettes, sex, cocaine, and overeating.  

I continually criticize, abuse, vilify and try to vanquish Trump with words but I would have to quickly replace him with someone or something else if he were out of office. I need Trump rushes. 

He is like a cell phone, computer, microwave oven or any other gadget you never knew about and than quickly realized you could not fully live without.

No matter how many reporters, commentators, pundits, and other people who cover Trump express contempt, hatred, anger, criticism, love or support for Trump they happily take the money he earns them. 

Giant paydays are happening made for many thousands of people like me who exploit this lying sick, deranged, overblown hunk of political crack. 

Think of cable celebrities like Anderson Cooper, Rachel Maddow, Brett Baer, Chuck Todd, Chris Wallace, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Riviera, Tucker Carlson, Erin Burnett, Katy Tur  and on and on whose lives are dedicated to reporting and talking about Donald Trump to their hundreds of millions of followers.  

They pull in billions of dollars of consumers cash each day from viewers who buy their stations advertised products and services. 

Maddow, a huge liberal and ultra conservative Hannity alone, an ultra conservative flame thrower, get viewed by fifty to a hundred million people each day. And those are just two cable reporters or entertainers.

Think of all the businesses who suck in big revenues from buyers who spend their cash because Trump is the draw for their advertising.    

There are over 330 million people in this country. I think Trump generates enough dough to qualify as a one man global promotions industry. 

Can you imagine the billions and billions of dollars being paid to people working jobs in the media covering Trumps movements? 

I hate Trump but I do not deny that he has probably made more people more money than any other politician on earth. 

That is a huge statement but it sounds right does it not? He has been a media sensation politically for several years now. He just keeps getting bigger.

If he stopped making sensationalized, scandalous, slimy, irresistible news every outlet would throw him away like a bag of dog poop. He knows that. So he keeps supplying us with more junk.

He desperately needs the attention he gets. It is chicken soup for his twisted brain. He is a total junkie like some of us. Look at him in front of friendly crowds. He is in bliss. 

He is money, money, money. money. Think of the joy the media advertisers feel as they rake in giant cash from the products and services Trump sells for them. 

He is worth an unbelievable fortune to many employers and employees connected to him in some way.

Consider the legions of people who deplore and vilify Trump 24/7 yet fill their bank accounts because of his pathetic, destructive Presidency?  

The height of hypocrisy prevails among so many of us. His sick, mindless, cowardly Republican senate supporters  enable him to avoid getting busted to keep their jobs. Yet, they all know they are part of Trumps con game.

Give me some numbers please cable advertisers or economists.  Send me some information on how Trump is affecting the GNP because of his decadent presidency?

I'll send you a free gift. A quid pro quo.

People who earn their living because of Trumps devilish presidency are the biggest hypocrites on earth. The lash him with their tongues and pens and deposit the money he brings them. Like me in this article.  

Trump, you are a drug. You are nothing but a big hit of some evil dope. 

Resign. Leave. Go away. You are ruining the country and also many parts of the world. Many of us would be happy to see you get impeached and sent to rot in jail. 
Or, in a mental institution where you belong.