Updated September 17, 2023
The
adrenaline, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is
enough to inspire any gambler to gamble again and again no matter
how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am
talking about lost health, family, and friends.
About
losing everything that matters.
I gambled for over 60 years and lost it all. In the last 14 years I
have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to
long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling.
Now, I am no longer owned by that urge. I own it. But, I only own it only day
at a time. So, I stay on guard and keep working with other compulsive
gamblers continually or I know I am doomed. Each day I commit to not
gambling that day and to get to the next day without making a bet.
Compulsive gambling is an incurable, lifelong disease.That is the bad
news. The good news is the condition can be arrested. You can stop.
It's not easy but it's much better than going to jail, an asylum, or
the cemetery.
I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, blackjack, or
anything at all, everyday. I would win or lose thousands of dollars. I
had lost well over 1 million dollars before I stopped gambling in 2009.
I lost everything including my priceless soul.
The addiction of compulsive gambling is the same for all affected
whether one bets nickels or millions of dollars. We are powerless.
Gamblers cannot stop. Help is needed.
The help comes from joining Gamblers Anonymous (GA) which is a
totally free fellowship..
No one stops gambling on their own permanently. Will power alone will
not make it. I tried many times and would stop for a few months or
longer.
But, the urge to gamble waited patiently to take me down again and
again. I would stay abstinent for one month to three years.
Eventually, I would start gambling again.
I could not understand that I needed the help of other compulsive
gamblers to quit gambling permanently. I always thought I could stop
on my own. I never wanted to.
So, I would say I was different.
Being destroyed financially, mentally, and emotionally was not enough
to stop me. The monster inside my brain and every other compulsive
gamblers brain still lives on unaffected by logic and reason.
It says "come back to me. I love you no matter what you have done. You can gamble David. You can set limits, you can avoid
going out of control and just enjoy the thrill of being in action like a normal person.”
Simultaneously, my rational mind always kept speaking the painful truth
constantly saying. “You are powerless., you cannot stop gambling on
your own”.
My compulsive gambling mental illness is much smarter
and stronger than my will.
"You are doomed if you gamble David.” That is the true inner voice.
That truth must be accepted 100%.
I do know that now. The gambling demon in my brain will never go away.! But, it can be stopped from doing any more damage.
The evil, patient, clever voice lies and tears at my rational mind and keeps saying "Just
do it. You will be okay."
My powerless mind needs constant
reinforcement to continue saying no to that urge everyday of my life.
It says "David, you have tried to stop gambling and cannot do it alone. Go to a gamblers anonymous meeting, Contact your GA. friends."
My sick mind is a powerful, self destructive force that needs no
nourishment. It never starves and is endlessly patient. It waits and
waits tirelessly inside myself and inside every other compulsive
gambler. It screams "Come back to me David. You want me."
It stalks me and tempts me like the sick, twisted, sociopath it is.
My solution, my lifelong answer came when I started to attend
Gamblers Anonymous meetings regularly which are filled with people
just like me. I faithfully attend several Gamblers Anonymous meetings weekly, every week, no
matter what else is happening.
My GA meetings are the biggest
responsibility I have.
Meetings come before work, family, or anything else because I know
that gambling again will either drive me insane, put me in jail, or kill
me.
So, I know that my life depends on not gambling and I need the
support of other compulsive gamblers continually. I stay abstinent by
going to meetings and sharing my feelings with other gamblers whether
young or old and whether they have been abstinent for one day or thirty
years.
I know that I need the positive reinforcement I get from being at GA
meetings which are plentiful all over the country and the world. Just
Google gamblers anonymous. Call the emergency phone service or have
someone call for you.
I work the 12 steps of recovery alone, with a sponsor, and at group meetings.
I deal with the personal defects that caused me endless pain and
suffering from gambling.
Only from Gamblers Anonymous can I get the strength and
support of others just like me who help me through each day.
Compulsive Gamblers all share the same feelings. Only other
compulsive gamblers understand each other regardless of age,
nationality, beliefs or any other denominator. We are all the same
because we are all powerless over gambling and our lives are
unmanageable.
It's an easy concept to understand but tough to accept
and stick with. But, thousands of men and women all over the world are successfully recovering
compulsive gamblers.
Look up Gamblers Anonymous online and find out where to call and
where the local meetings are in your area. Google Compulsive Gambling.
There are
thousands of meetings throughout the country everyday of the year. It is a totally FREE fellowship.
.There is a free, twenty four hour a day non stop helpline that can
be called by anyone, anytime. Call it gamblers and spouses. It may save your life.
I have not gambled a penny since January 9, 2009. Before that I gambled everyday for over sixty years..
If I can stop anybody can.
But, only with help.
You can win only but only if you don't play.
Gambling is my deadly lover who I never intend to return to.
Compulsive gambling is the devil.
The National Helpline is:
1-800-522-4700 free.
It is an access point to local resources for those seeking information about a gambling problem.
Just check it out wherever you live.
You cannot lose.
