DAVID'S PLACE:

  I was just a little five year old boy waiting in line to be let into my first grade class. It was 1953 at a Chicago Elementary school named De-Witt Clinton located on the north side of the city where I grew up. It was the first day of the semester and I did not know many of the forty or so kids in line also waiting to go to their first day of class.   For no reason a boy I had never seen before walked in front of me and said "Hey kid, ever been kicked in the balls?" "No", I innocently answered.   He then kicked me squarely in my small crotch. I doubled over in pain, went down, and started to cry.   As I caught my breath and stood up the last thing on my mind was hitting or retaliating against him. I was too scared and ashamed.  The other kids standing around laughed at my misery. They taunted me mercilessly. "Fight, fight, fight," they screamed. I felt humiliated and victimized. I already knew what bullying was and had seen it done to othe...

It's computer dummy heaven today. I just figured out how to fix my laptop all by myself. It only required batteries but normally I would not have been able to even find where the batteries go. My new OCD mindfulness gave me a bonus. I am a 72 year old geezer but giddy as if I had just stolen my first high school kiss. A fortunate life has been my blessing. But, as my mother used to say, "your worst enemy cannot do to you what you can do to yourself." What a merciless self-assaulter I have been. We are talking mentally, The pain from a broken brain is ferocious. I remember trying to lay my dead tired eight-year-old body in bed and go to sleep. But I couldn't. The pillow would not line up to my satisfaction with a thin line on the headboard. So, I would keep popping up out of bed like a jumping jack for hours on end trying to set the pillow exactly the way I wanted it. I would finally just flop into the bed, drenched in sweat, and then pass out because my little body...

I started to write down the names of all the people who have bullied me, both physically and psychologically, in my life and I realize that I could write forever about those experiences. It all started when I was a very little boy. I was afraid to fight back when I was harassed and soon everyone had my number. Even though I was popular and a good athlete bullies would find me and pick up on my vulnerability. So, eventually at school, in the playground, at a party or the movies, anywhere at all, a bully would test me and see that I would not stand up for myself. So, besides the shame and disgrace I felt then I would have to constantly be fearful of being around that guy. Hyper vigilance and constant anxiety became the cornerstones of my existence. I am now 65 years old and things have not changed except the ages of the people who test me to see if I will become their victim. I can still be easily intimidated if a bully knows what to say or do to get in my head. I have used so much...