Showing posts with label gamblers anonymous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gamblers anonymous. Show all posts

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Compulsive Gambler Desperate To Gamble Again After 8 Years Sober

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Compulsive gambler is a 67 year old male. He has not placed a bet in  8 years. He is set up for life. But, only if he does not gamble. He is thinking about giving into the urge. 

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So, I have been resisting the perpetual urge to start gambling again although I have been clean and sober for over six years  If I gamble my rich, trusting lover who has stuck with me will find out quickly even if I sneak it well.. Also, my kids and few close friends would immediately lose all respect for me and I would lose all trust from everyone else. I would be cutting myself off from the easiest life one could imagine. 

I am covered financially by my very rich sugar momma only because I do not gamble. If I do gamble she would cut me off in a second. I would end up broke and living in the gutter. Now, I live in a penthouse and have plenty of money between driving a cab, making money from a promotional business, and getting social security. If I'm short of cash or want anything then all I have to do is call sugar momma..She never says no.

Still, the monster to gamble lives within me. I want to chuck it all an go back to the craps table, play online poker and bet ballgames. I want to eject myself from this life and make a furiously fast journey to          Las Vegas or just go to one of the gambling boats thirty minutes away from my house.

The addiction to gamble has remained so powerful that it eats at me every minute of every day. It is all I want to do. I am a 67 year old male who lives in a golden torture chamber..

So, I sit here  in torment. I work, hang out with friends, stay active physically, read, write. It does not matter.  I am too smart and have lived the degenerate life in previous years for too long so all I need to do is play the tape of what my life will evolve to if I go back into action.. No sugar mama, no respect from my family who I have punished, no respect from my few friends and no respect for myself.

Yet, I am tempted to throw it all away.

The hardest truth is I am a horrible gambler who almost never won and manged to lose almost two million dollars.I don't even have a plan.

 I just want to give in to the impulse and go gamble..

I need the action but I need a Gamblers Anonymous meeting worse.

I'mgoing to a  Gamblers Anonymous meeting now. 
You should too.
Good luck.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Sober Compulsive Gambler Tormented To Gamble Again

So I am sitting at my desk in my condo. I am still torn between betraying my lover/mother who takes care of me in every way. Emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Except, she is married to someone else and is out of town most of the winter. It's better when she is in town and keeps me out of this clinical depression.

So, I have been resisting the perpetual urge to start gambling again although I have been clean and sober for over six years If I gamble she will find out quickly even if I sneak it. Also, my kids and few close friends would immediately lose all respect for me and lose all trust. I would be cutting myself off from the easiest life one could imagine. I have not gambled in over six years.

I am covered financially by my very rich sugar momma only because I do not gamble. If I do gamble she would cut me off in a second. I would end up broke and living in the gutter. Now, I live in a penthouse and have plenty of money between driving a cab, making money from a promotional business, and getting social security. If I'm short of cash or want anything then all I have to do is call momma..She never says no.

Still, the monster to gamble lives within me. I want to chuck it all an go back to the craps table, play online poker and bet ballgames. I want eject myself from this desk and make a furiously fast journey to Las Vegas or just go to one of the gambling boats thirty minutes away from my house..The addiction to gamble has remained so powerful that it eats at me every minute of every day. It is all I want to do.

So, I sit here at the age of 66 in torment. I am too smart and have lived the degenerate life in previous years for too long so all I need to do is play the tape of what my life will evolve to if I go back into action.. No sugar mama, no respect from my family who I have punished, no respect from my few friends and no respect for myself.

Yet, I am tempted to throw it all away.

The hardest truth is I am a horrible gambler who almost never won and manged to lose almost two million dollars.I don't even have a plan.

 I just want to give in to the impulse and go gamble..

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Alone And Depressed Compulsive Gambler

Here I sit. I am a 66 year old male with absolutely no life. I have lived it already with very little success. I live nicely in a studio penthouse My old time rich ex-girlfriend pretty much supports me. I have enough money, with her constant help to be ver comfortable.  My health is OK although I do need prostate surgery eventually.

I woke up this morning about 11.30.  I was going to get dressed and go to work. I work for a private taxi service. I have beenj divorced for 25 years. I have a family including 3 kids and 3 grandchildren but I am alone. I know many people from a life filled with owning a big business, playing ball, gambling,  and going out with many women.  Bu, I am so all alone now..

I decided to cook some pork chops I bought yesterday. Then, I did get dressed and ate the  pork chops. Instead of leaving I turned on the TV program Cops and have sat here for 3 hours watching episode after episode..

I am so depressed I cannot put it into other words except this recap.. Now, I am having doubts as to whether I will go to work at all since I control my own time and hours. I have a Gamblers Anonymous meeting tonight. A bunch of guys meet before the meeting to have dinner. I am friends with all of them but I don't care about most of them and most do not care about me. Now, I will look at one of the online dating sites I subscribe to.

I was never lonely when I gambled. I could always bet and never feel lonely.I have not made a bet in almost six years. That  is my only bragging right. I am so alone.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Gambling-The Unconditional Lover

Gambling. One of the nastiest monsters of the world. Feed it and it eats your soul. Starve it and it destroys you mind. To a real compulsive gambler the loss of gambling is good reason for perpetual mourning. Every ounce of desire in your body craves going back to gambling again. The adrenalin, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is enough to inspire any gambler no matter how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am talking about lost health, family, friends. Losing your whole life. I have gambled for over 50 years and lost it all. In the last few years i have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling. I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, and blackjack. I would win or lose thousands of dollars a day. I figured out that I have lost well over a million dollars in my life. Enough to destroy me financially, mentally, and emotionally. Yet the monster inside my brain lives on unaffected. It says "you can do it David." You can set limits, avoid going out of control, and enjoy the happiness of being in action." My rational mind keeps speaking at the same time. "Go to a G.A. meeting David. You are getting false messages. You are doomed if you gamble. You know that." I do. But,the evil voice tears at my my heart and says "just do it. "You will do it right this time. It will be ok" The logical mind needs constant reinforcement to say no. The evil mind that is supported by emotion needs no nourishment. But it never is.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

I Am A Compulsive Gambler

I am a compulsive gambler. Do you know what that means? It means that I love gambling more then I love anything else. I have lost almost all of the money I have ever made. I am now 65 years old and struggling to get by. I should be a millionaire many times over. I should have the respect of my family, friends, and many others. Instead, I only have respect from people who are in the Gamblers Anonymous meetings I attend. I have not made a bet in over 4 years as of today. Yet, I struggle constantly to resist this evil demon that pollutes my soul. I work, read, write, see my family, friends yet I cannot be comfortable with a normal life. My desires lie deep in the hell called gambling. If I were given a billion dollars to use as i pleased I would lose it all gambling. That is because there ois no cure for compulsive gambling. We are stuck with an abnormal brain forever that craves the action that always leads back to self destruction. So, I live a life of desperation. I go to GA meetings several times each week. I talk to others in the program who are the only ones who understand me. The struggle goes on and on. That is why the recidivism rate is so high. Because the gambling monster is my unconditional lover waiting for me to get sad, mad, glad or have any other feeling that will propel me back into action. So, here I am. Do you want to trade places Mr.or Mz. Gambler? You know if your relationship with gambling is abnormal. You know if you are headed towards disaster. Do you have the courage to resist those urges and change? If you do there is a Gambler Anonymous meeting near you. Look up the GA number, make the phone call, talk to someone at GA who will assuredly answer your call and give you suggestions. Save you life. The national number is 626-960-3500. Make your next bet on yourself.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Compulsive Gambler Says No No No To Gambling

I'm dying to gamble. It could be going to the casino and playing poker, slots, craps. It could be playing poker online. It could be betting on basketball, hockey, or anything at all. I will gamble on flipping coins for thousands of dollars.

 I am a sick, degenerate compulsive gambler. Yet, I sit in my penthouse apartment writing, watching TV, talking on the phone and doing anything but gambling. Why don't I? considering the horrible urge I feel to  just do it. No. No. No.  I have not made a bet since January 9, 2009.  I don't intend to. Today.

That is why I now have some money now, can sleep, can afford to support myself, have no bills that are late, no bookmakers chasing me, no credit card companies or banks hunting me down.and all the other problems that come with being a compulsive gambler. So, my painful effort to not give into my urge is part of the price that must be paid in return for the freedom of not being broke and miserable.

I have to tell myself this story because for fifty of my sixty four years I lost every dime I made. I lost millions. I cheated my family, friends, business associates and am lucky to be sitting here with my biggest problem being unable to gamble.

It would be easy to lie to myself and decide I could gamble for small amounts and not let it get out of control. I might even be able to do it for a while. But, eventually the gambling demon would take me over. I would lose all control.  That would be the road back to a hell that I have already been to several times.

Instead, I go to Gamblers Anonymous twice a week or more every week of the year. I listen again and again to stories of have heard before. They are sad stories from people who are compulsive gamblers but will not stop. Only about 2% of the people who come to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting stay abstinent beyond a single year. Most come to a few meetings because of their wive, husband, or girlfriend and they never come back or come back years later and then like me relapse again and again. I relapsed four times before I quit over four years ago.

I continually take my medicine which is going to meetings, being involved with other compulsive gamblers, writing about gambling and whatever else I need to do to distract myself from gambling urges. Compulsive Gambling is an evil, diabolical, insidious disease that shows no mercy. There is no medicine besides self help.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Golden Handcuffs For Compulsive Gambler

What a wonderful day in Chicago. It's about noon on Tuesday and the snow is falling like crazy. I live 29 stories high in a fancy penthouse. I just went out shopping for food and prostate medicine since it appears the city will be buried for a few days. I have enough money to live on, good health, great kids. I am missing a woman in my life who I have been searching furiously for on www.match.com where I have  success even at 64.
One problem. All of this does not allow me to do what I want to do most. I want to gamble. I am a compulsive gambler and despite being one of the luckiest men alive I miss my lover. The dice tables and poker tables are 40 minutes away and I cannot go to them.

If I do gamble again I will probably lose everything. I know that. I know I cannot betray the trust I have been shown. So, I will write, work out, and keep hunting for a new lady. It is like being held in a penthouse jail with golden hand cuffs. I can do anything I want except bet. Life is so unfair