DAVID'S PLACE:

  I was just a little five year old boy waiting in line to be let into my first grade class. It was 1953 at a Chicago Elementary school named De-Witt Clinton located on the north side of the city where I grew up. It was the first day of the semester and I did not know many of the forty or so kids in line also waiting to go to their first day of class.   For no reason a boy I had never seen before walked in front of me and said "Hey kid, ever been kicked in the balls?" "No", I innocently answered.   He then kicked me squarely in my small crotch. I doubled over in pain, went down, and started to cry.   As I caught my breath and stood up the last thing on my mind was hitting or retaliating against him. I was too scared and ashamed.  The other kids standing around laughed at my misery. They taunted me mercilessly. "Fight, fight, fight," they screamed. I felt humiliated and victimized. I already knew what bullying was and had seen it done to othe...

It's computer dummy heaven today. I just figured out how to fix my laptop all by myself. It only required batteries but normally I would not have been able to even find where the batteries go. My new OCD mindfulness gave me a bonus. I am a 72 year old geezer but giddy as if I had just stolen my first high school kiss. A fortunate life has been my blessing. But, as my mother used to say, "your worst enemy cannot do to you what you can do to yourself." What a merciless self-assaulter I have been. We are talking mentally, The pain from a broken brain is ferocious. I remember trying to lay my dead tired eight-year-old body in bed and go to sleep. But I couldn't. The pillow would not line up to my satisfaction with a thin line on the headboard. So, I would keep popping up out of bed like a jumping jack for hours on end trying to set the pillow exactly the way I wanted it. I would finally just flop into the bed, drenched in sweat, and then pass out because my little body...

I always play golf on the weekends with a group of about eight guys. We are all personal friends some closer than others.  I am very good friends with one of the guys. We are all between the ages of forty five and seventy two years old me being the oldest.  I have experienced a lifetime of being bullied whether it is mental or physical. I've made a very big effort to stand up for myself with words and deeds. It is scary and tormenting to act when you are afraid but one must face fear when necessary. Sometimes I succeed and many other times I do not in defending myself. Complicating things is my severe lifelong emotional disorder with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Without going deep into an analysis of my particular condition which centers around fighting back when I feel victimized I will point out a case in point to explain exactly why I feel bullied right now. The guy I am very close to is also a bully. His bullying tools are not his muscles but his mouth and alpha pe...

How about some real time (OCD) obsessive compulsive disorder talk? I have been tormented and tortured by it almost my entire 72 male years. I have pure OCD as it is known.  I do not need to keep checking the door to see of it is locked or checking the stove to see if it is turned off, or wash my hands a million times a day. My misery is different. I must confront people who I think have insulted me. Fear is my constant companion because my whole deal is connected to confrontation. Doing fearful things so I can get the fearful thing off my mind are my boulders to carry..  So, if someone tells me to go fuck myself, or they say they think I stink at golf or if I feel that I must defend someone's honor who is a friend or loved one who has been insulted or abused, or the music next door is too loud or someone slams a door too hard or tons of other things happen than I become incapacitated.  I sit and ruminate about what I can do to resolve the problem. I cannot function while ...

Long ago, I was sitting in my office in a high rise building. It was a modern structure that presumably had excellent systems including reliable ventilation systems.  That is what I was told when I signed the lease. One summer day I entered the office and it seemed too hot. I checked the vents and no air was blowing out. I called the building office and reported the problem. The call taker apologized and said it would be fixed soon. A maintenance person would be coming up.  I have severe obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd). I started fixating on the glass entry door waiting impatiently for the maintenance person who did not appear after fifteen minutes. So, after an hour of being more and more preoccupied and watching for the door to open with the, maintenance person my familiar high anxiety set in. I felt hotter and hotter and started to sweat profusely. I became unable to think about or focus on the abundance of things that I needed to pay address to in my very busy lega...

Obsessive, compulsive disorder is a brutal mental illness which affects a very small part of the population.  In the US, about 1.1% of the people have it and it is evenly split between males and females. Over 2.2 million individuals are afflicted.  It is so simple to understand but brutally hard to deal with. The entire condition is based on thoughts.  Just thoughts.  So think different thoughts you say and you are cured.?  Ha-ha !! No. No. No. Don't forget, just because you resolve one OCD symptom you do not get rid of the entire disorder. So, the trick is to learn how to deal with your OCD by not acting out in all the goofy ways you do now.  Acting out does not work. I am now having an urge to call someone on the phone which would likely create a problem. At minimum, it would start an OCD cycle where I would have to start calling and calling trying to get my problem with this person resolved. The problem is I have no real problem with him. The problem is ...

I'm a 71 year old male and I have suffered from (obsessive compulsive disorder) (ocd) since I was about 8 years old.  A terrifying image of myself standing over my bed, dead tired, and continually jumping in and out of it but not being able to rest comes to mind.   I was tormented then because my pillow was not precisely centered along a thin line that ran vertically from the top to the bottom of the headboard. It was driving me crazy trying trying to center it perfectly.  I believed bad things would happen if I did not get it perfectly aligned. Fear and superstition were then and are still now the root of all obsessive compulsive disorders.   My tired little body was no match for my twisted mind which kept commanding me to get up again and again and line the pillow up better.   Sweat streamed down my face and soaked my pajamas as I continued to jump in and out of bed trying to get that uncooperative pillow aligned to the satisfaction of...

No. This will not be another wasted day of my life. I stayed inside all day long. I also stayed home several days this week battling another ridiculous, illogical bout of OCD that has destroyed my life despite drugs, therapy, and self help. I get a thought on my mind, usually of a fear I feel I must confront. Then, I start to analyze the consequences of acting on the urge. Interestingly, the urge can be knocking on a neighbors door who is playing loud music, telling someone who is sitting behind me at the movies to stop making noise, or telling a rude delivery man to stop abusing a little old lady. My obsessive compulsive disorder is all about fear4. But, it also more about the consequences of telling that person to be quiet or facing a fear because doing so has exacerbated situations so that the next thing I know I am trying to track down that deliveryman or neighbor, or person sitting behind me in the movie so I can further explain myself after I had acted out to relieve the urge onl...

I live in a beautiful studio apartment on the top floor of a fancy high rise in Chicago. I treasure my quiet, insulated space because I get freaked out so easily by noise, barking dogs, or any other disturbance that upsets my tranquility. It is caused by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that causes me to interpret any intrusion as a threat to my peace of mind. Therefore, if a neighbor makes noise by playing loud music or walking loudly on the floor above I am on guard. I feel I have to confront that person about the problem that I perceived. If that person turns out to be friendly and sympathetic and apologetic I would no longer care about the noise. I would get instant relief. If it was a person who acted angry or indifferent towards my complaint then I would start obsessing about confronting that person again and again intent on getting satisfaction.. This aspect of my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD ) has led to endless anxiety and many terribl...

I live in a convertible studio on the top floor of a high rise in Chicago. I treasure my quiet, insulated space because I get freaked out so easily by noise, barking dogs, or any other disturbance that upsets my tranquility. It is all from my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that causes me to interpret any intrusion as a threat to my peace of mind. Therefore, if a neighbor made noise by playing loud music or walking loudly on the floor above I would always be listening for the noise. I would feel I had to confront that person about the problem that I perceived. If it turned out to be a kind, friendly person who apologized I would no longer care about the noise. If it was a neighbor who acted angry or indifferent towards my complaint then the problem would only bother me more. This aspect of my OCD has led to endless anxiety and many confrontations with people. The problem is really not about the "noise". It is about me feeling victimized or bullied, my lifelong obsession. ...

I was working at a pizza place in Chicago a while back. There were many drivers working there and they represented a wide variety of individuals.  The ages ranged from 21 to 65 and I was one of the older ones who were generally not the objects of attention. However, being old did not give me any exemption from the OCD demons that have plagued me.  I overheard a remark this guy made about Jewish people. I confronted him immediately.and he did not want to apologize and I would not let it go. I quit working there. I eventually came back there to confront him again. I ended up swinging at him. He threw me to the ground telling me to stop swinging or he would hurt me. I left but still could not get closure. It ended a few months later with me begging him for forgiveness after I finally gathered the courage to go back there again to apologize. It was not about the Jewish remark anymore. It never had been. It was about how living with the remark had made me into an anxiety ridden...