SEX GAMBLING AND LOVE IN A RAMBLING POORLY WRITTEN FORM

I just sat down at my laptop which I have not used for a few months. I have been blogging off and on for many years. I'm a bad procrastinator even though I love to write. In fact, it took me five years to make $106.94 from Google AdSense.  

I am a tall, thin, white haired 71 year old Jewish male who lives with his girlfriend in a nice over fifty five complex. She is sleeping soundly in the bedroom that I just left after sleeping only three hours when I really need eight hours. Cannot sleep. Lots of anxiety.

Its 3 am and I have swallowed a couple of Valium 10 mil. pills but they have not even phased me. Probably, too tolerant of them from too many years of being semi-addicted. But, I sure am glad I have them along with a stash of power packed Xanax tablets for insurance. I have ferocious demons.

Anyway, I got sidetracked. I was going to talk about one of my many neurotic fears. I developed a kidney stone several years ago and read that if you ever get one you would likely get another. So, I always wait for the pain when I pee. Scary thought. 

I just pissed and naturally my ocd kicked in and I thought about that kidney stone as pee  flowed easily. I am always grateful for certain small things that work as I have gotten older. Urinating normally is one of them after successful prostate surgery in 2015. 

 But, what would I do if I got another kidney stone attack right now? It's the midst of the corona virus pandemic. I live in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. The virus is severe here. My life would totally change in a heartbeat if I started having pain in my kidney and needed to go to the hospital ER for treatment.

I am grateful for small victories now, because I know about big defeats. I have learned gratitude from working the twelve steps of recovery in Gamblers Anonymous. I have been sober from gambling for over eleven years. It is one of my only accomplishment besides making beautiful children. 

 I think, what's the big deal? If I become overwhelmed with a medical problem and needed to go to the emergency room and never leave the hospital it's no great loss. I am expendable. That bothers me. 

I did not used to feel expendable when twenty five people worked for me and I had child support payments and was always wheeling and dealing to stay in gambling action. I also had a wild romance going on that sucked my loins dry but never left me feeling irrelevant.

 Once upon a time I was desperate every minute of every day to get my hands on enough money to sustain my degenerate existence.  

 Now, the craziness is all done. My kids are grown and all are healthy, happy, and wealthy needing nothing from me. When they were young I blew them off for gambling and women. I was mostly not around and left all three of them when they were small. I was a shit father but always loved them and stayed in their lives the best way I could.

 They love me very much but not like a regular dad but like a dad who is a friend. They know I  love them deeply. My reckless, irresponsible actions have hurt me very much.  I do love my life and  have had a great ride despite my contempt self destructive, addictive personality

 I also loved gambling and went wildly nuts for another woman,  Fortunately, my wonderful wife happily remarried a solid guy. She did almost all of the heavy living of raising the kids which she did perfectly.  She is also a fabulous grandmother to our seven grandchildren and a terrific wife to her lucky guy.

My long time soulmate and I met long ago after I was married about seven years. At first we existed on super intense sexual heat that turned into a love we have shared and successfully nurtured for each other. She is my angel, She is one of the lucky blessings of a lifetime. I played around a lot but stayed loyal to her even though she was with another.

We have stayed together for thirty five years although we never could live together for long.That is too complicated to go into now. It is a fascinating story I will tell later. 

 Back to me me me. What's the difference to the world whether I feel good and live my totally hedonistic no brainer life of being  with my long time love, living with my girlfriend, playing golf,  playing pickle ball, eating, watching CNN and playing with my sweet dog or not being here at all?

I feel some value because my soulmates husband died and she is alone and really does need me in some form that is platonic now but could morph again into romance as it has done many times in its connection. We will see as she adjusts to life without him and also see if I can live happily with my new girlfriend. 

But, I guess each person really does live for themselves in some form. I really am an egocentric, spoiled, entitled guy because I have been blessed in so many ways.

I do nothing much these days, certainly nothing very constructive. This blog is my only way of offering anything worthwhile to the world and to myself regarding matters of humanity and human existence. 

Otherwise, I'm just a lunk who happens to be supported by a rich long time love who generously covers my expenses. On paper I live the life men dream of. Except, I am a total fraud. 

My love was married to another guy for many years but despite that our relationship never ended. I have still remained her baby thankfully.  My long time love is alone and in pain. I try to be supportive as much as I can without blowing my cover. We have been undercover forever and lucky. We both hope it stays that way. 

She knows we cannot be with each other full time because I cannot sustain the mature relationship she requires. So, she understands why I must be in an immature relationship with my sweet, loyal girlfriend.  She is not begrudging or unhappy with me because she knows I love her intensely despite our relationship being weird. Not to us though. We will always be united.

Actually,  my new girlfriend and I get along fine. She lets me do whatever I want. We now make love about once a month versus a year ago when we made love once a day. I choke down 120 miligrams of Viagra and I'm good to go. 

The lovemaking is very good but there is virtually no communication. The intellectual interaction is with my long time lover who is brilliant and we understand each other well. We can talk forever. She gets me to a tee and I her. 

My new girlfriend and I have severe language barriers but we do fine just living together.  We are great roommates with benefits. 

Our dog is the major part of our life and is our common bond. We both love our dog unconditionally. He is our emotional support outlets.

I do not feel like writing anymore.
This is not written well but I am going to publish it anyway.
Whatever, 

David

PRESIDENT TRUMPS SEXUAL BOOTY CALLS NOW A TOUGH TASK

I wonder what Donald Trump is doing for fresh booty these days if anything? We all know he is a sexual superman. If he wanted a woman before he was elected President he got one fast. 

At least that used to be the case before he was confined to the watchful eye of the entire nation after getting involved in some very scandalous episodes. Paying strippers for sex and being exposed as somewhat of a predatory beast with many accusations of his unstoppable style of assaulting women created his reputation. 

Being President is terrific but it does have it's limitations. The President cannot just grab a woman by the p...y and make her into an instant lover. It seems a very tough task to be abstinent when you are the leader of the free world and unable to get it on at will. 

Read and research information about Presidents Bill Clinton or John Kennedy about sex in or out of the White House. Check out many other politicians whose careers disintegrated upon being discovered breaking their marital vows. Trump must be very uncomfortably careful. He does not like that.

 A President who was once a TV celebrity and world class playboy might be really frustrated at being unable to operate in the sexually free wheeling style of his past after he has been publicly burned several times and is forced to back off the booty.

Trump has the impulse control of a puppy dog jumping around salivating for Milk Bones being thrown all around with his tongue drooling. Or, the control of a Great Dane having Big Macs dropped at his feet. But, he is currently powerless to act on his obvious desires. 

Nonetheless, I never sell Donald Trump short when it comes to fulfilling his sexual pleasures. I believe he is the smartest guy around in matters of healthcare, foreign policy, immigration, gun control, science, medicine, awarding important positions in and out of the cabinet. I believe he is an unstoppable sexual predator who is probably still finding ways to get it on with females.

I also think Donald Trump can do just about anything he sets his mind to do so snagging some quick sex no matter how complicated the equation seems to be a very small task considering this mans selfish hunger.

So, how is this self proclaimed "genius" fulfilling his huge carnal appetite? Just look at his super gorgeous, sexy, steaming hot wife Melania. They hooked up long ago when Donald was just a New York player and apparently they had a voracious sexual frenzy for years. 

Than, Trump became POTUS. Suddenly, all eyes are on him and her everywhere they go and on everything they do. Neither can make a move without being under a microscope let alone sneak away for a day or night of sexual delight.

 Also, it appears that Melania no longer has the hots for the Donald she once had at least from the way she seems to not want to even hold his small hands let alone any other apparatus that is attached to his big, beautiful, bloated body filled with tons of delicious junk food 

So, what are you doing Donald to satisfy those famous urges you have always had for Herculean sex? How does a constrained Donald quell his gigantic appetite for the hot flesh of  ravenous, irresistible woman he continually comes across?

How does he get away from all those Secret Service agents, the reporters, and the cameras that follow every move he makes?
It must be hard?