He bullied me starting when we ran down the field into each other in a high school football game and he knocked me down hard. He sneered at me as he stood over my skinny layed out body. He never stopped abusing me physically and mentally all throughout high school after that dominance. He knew he had me. Bullies know. He caused me to change my life to stay away from him because we both existed in the same clique of friends.
Things stayed that way all through high school. I was his pathetic victim. Fifteen years later when I saw him walking toward me down a busy street in a sudden burst of insanity or crazy courage I punched him in the mouth as he reached me.
He went down on the sidewalk and fearfully shielded his ugly face as I jumped on top of him with my fist cocked. “No no, let me up before the cops come he cried.” I just got out of jail.”
“Did you just get out of a crazy house he muttered “?
“No” I answered . This was all a dream. I dreamed about how you used to bully me” Than, you were in front of me.” “Remember knocking me around?” You hold a grudge a long time he said with hisvoice shaking.
I let let him up not telling him the real reason I punched him. I had left my comfortable office at the family business filled with anxiety and fear. I wanted to punch anyone just to prove to myself I could do it. To prove to myself I was not the coward I felt I was. To prove to my superman older brother that I was no chickenshit. Finally, to prove to myself I was a real man worthy of being able to perform sexually and worthy of my fiancees love.
I still struggle ferociously with this type of urges tied to brutal OCD which is my biggest bully.
