Monday, December 30, 2013

Bully Fight: Jerry and Gary

There was a bully by the name of Gary. He was the good old fashioned type who tried to intimidate anyone who would show any weakness. I met him in grade school. He was about twelve years old as was I.
One day he was pitching softball in gym class. He made a slow pitch game into his own fast pitch game and started throwing balls at everyone's heads who came up to bat.

He had a lot of kids scared to death.  He threw punches to our stomachs and heads. I was sick to my stomach with fear and he didn't even have me as a primary target.. No one hit back.

He was like a blond haired, skinny monster who kept getting scarier and scarier as the school year went on.
The day of reckoning did  come for Gary. He decided to challenge a really tough kid who was not a total bully but  a sometime bully who was a savage fighter.

Gary told everyone he was not afraid of Jerry and wanted to meet him at the park to have a fight. The day of the fight came and it seemed that about 200 kids showed up to watch. There was nothing much to see. Gary went at Jerry fists flying swinging out of control. Jerry just stood still, blocked a few punches and grabbed Gary by the throat. Jerry hit him in the nose sending Gary spinning and Gary was  beaten immediately. He backed up but he couldn't get away from the charging Jerry..

Jerry caught him and then put him in a headlock and hit him in the face with about eight brutally hard, perfectly placed uppercuts. Gary's face looked like it had gone through a meet grinder. His nose and mouth were bleeding heavily as Jerry finally let screaming Gary out of the headlock.

Jerry stood there, having hardly gotten a workout smiling at Gary. He didn't even smile with cocky pride. Gary was to lame to even be counted as a worthwhile victory for Jerry..

The kids all walked away mumbling about how really tough Jerry was and mumbling I told you soh's about what a chickenshit piece of crap Gary really was. The question was why had anyone ever let Gary shove them around? The answer was obvious.

Everyone was afraid to stand up to Gary .

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Kindergartener Kicked In The Balls

My first day of school which was about about 60 years ago. I remember crying and screaming as my mother dropped me off at kindergarten. I walked toward the entrance timidly when she left me at the entrance with a bunch of other kids who were also just starting school.

A boy named Larry walked up to me and said "hi". I'm Larry. I said hi back. He then asked me "have you ever been kicked in the balls"? I said "no". He then kicked me right in my 5 year old nuts. I started to cry hysterically from the pain and the shame.

I used to see Larry each day and avoided him for the entire 8 years I was in grade school. I tried to get out of going back to school the next day. by telling my mom I was scared of Larry. She said "don't worry honey, just stay away from bad boys like that". 

Larry wasn't even one of the cool kids or tough kids I later discovered.. He was just a kid who felt like he could get away with bullying me and he was right.

I am still angry at him. I am angrier at myself.

Bullied For Life

I started to write down the names of all the people who have bullied me, both physically and psychologically, in my life and I realize that I could write forever about those experiences. It all started when I was a very little boy. I was afraid to fight back when I was harassed and soon everyone had my number. Even though I was popular and a good athlete bullies would find me and pick up on my vulnerability.

So, eventually at school, in the playground, at a party or the movies, anywhere at all, a bully would test me and see that I would not stand up for myself. So, besides the shame and disgrace I felt then I would have to constantly be fearful of being around that guy. Hyper vigilance and constant anxiety became the cornerstones of my existence.

I am now 65 years old and things have not changed except the ages of the people who test me to see if I will become their victim. I can still be easily intimidated if a bully knows what to say or do to get in my head.

I have used so much mental energy analyzing myself because of the continual shame and repulsion I have felt that even after being in therapy, taking medicine, engaging in cognitive behavior therapy, and sharing my innermost thoughts about my terribly damaged ego and lack of self esteem I cannot seem to get any lasting relief.

I am constantly in fear of events occurring that I cannot control but feel I must react to..Threats. A neighbor playing loud music, a dog barking nearby that is creating a disturbance, a bully in the street I see taking advantage of someone who cannot defend themselves, or any other situation where I feel that I will have to stand up and walk through the wall of fear to confront the bully.

I am either afraid to act and do nothing and afterward will torture myself for cowardliness. Or, I face the fear and confront a person I think is a bully for the wrong reasons. I often end up not accomplishing my objective of resolving the problem but exacerbate it. Sometimes, I do solve my perception of a bullying problem only to have another similar situation quickly appear.

Long ago I learned to face fear even if it is not justified. I just need the release of facing the fear that I could not face when I was a little boy. I learned how to step into the mouth of terror often for the wrong reasons and then suffer terrible consequences. The aftermath is still feeling bullied by needing to correct a situation I should have never created.

It turns out that many of my actions were not about  helping the victim, whether the victim is myself or another person but about resolving something that I should have resolved internally. Sometimes it is not bullying, it is my bullied personality creating or distorting a problem. If I were not so sensitized to any situation that could upset my delicate anti-bullying equilibrium I would filter out real situations from ones that I just blew up incorrectly in my mind..

It's a.painful life being a bully or a victim.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Jackammer Drills Into OCD Victims Head

I live in a convertible studio on the top floor of a high rise in Chicago. I treasure my quiet, insulated space because I get freaked out so easily by noise, barking dogs, or any other disturbance that upsets my tranquility.

It is all from my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that causes me to interpret any intrusion as a threat to my peace of mind. Therefore, if a neighbor made noise by playing loud music or walking loudly on the floor above I would always be listening for the noise. I would feel I had to confront that person about the problem that I perceived.

If it turned out to be a kind, friendly person who apologized I would no longer care about the noise. If it was a neighbor who acted angry or indifferent towards my complaint then the problem would only bother me more. This aspect of my OCD has led to endless anxiety and many confrontations with people. The problem is really not about the "noise". It is about me feeling victimized or bullied, my lifelong obsession.

 I have been living in this condominium for over four years.  Until last week I had never had any problem with my new next door neighbor who had just moved in a few months before.  I talked to this nice young lady only one time to ask her to not close her door so loudly early in the morning when she went to work. The door closing woke me up because it is located next to the wall my bed is next to. She said sorry and I never heard the door close loudly again and forgot about this annoyance.

A few days ago I was awakened to the head banging sound of a jackhammer blasting away into the attached wall. I couldn't believe what was happening. I walked out into the hallway and heard the sounds of men working and jackhammering in the next door apartment.

 I knocked on the door and one of the building foreman working there I know opened it. He told me the condo  had been sold and there would be construction going on until the end of the day. I told him that the noise was going to drive me crazy because I am home all day in my home office.

I left and was beside myself with anxiety. What if the project was not over at the end of the day? Who would the new neighbor be? But, OK I thought, it will be over at the end of the day. Somehow, I did not believe him.

I left and came back home at the next day and the jackhammer was still exploding noise into my wall. I went next door again and asked the foreman why the noise was still continuing, The foreman then told me that I should not worry. The noise would be over soon., . I said "you told me it would be over yesterday"
"You didn't say anything about this going on today also."

He said  that I had misunderstood him. The jackhammering should have been done the day before but the crew was late. He said it would be done within a few hours. He apologized  I asked " What about the rest of the job"?  He said the entire job  would take two weeks. I said what is involved. He said "Just normal construction, nothing very disturbing." You will hear very little."  I felt lied to again.

I said "I want to go down to the office and talk to the building manager". He said "fine, lets go". We did and the office did not even know there was construction going on in that space and told the foreman to provide the proper papers and get construction approval. The foreman said OK and he left. Nobody would discuss noise when I protested..

So, I had a new problem which was the job would be lasting two weeks. Also, I started to worry about  the foreman being mad at me and making the noise worse whenever he could. I had always gotten along with him. Not now.

 I was told by the building manager the building rules allowed for construction in apartments between 9 am and 5 pm Monday through Saturday. Period.

 I could not sleep all night waiting for the noise to start the next day.. I also had an appointment with a new shrink that same morning to go to. I ended up getting a few hours of bad sleep because I was on fire with anxiety. I left before 9am tortured with anxiety about loud noise I knew I would hear when I returned home.

I ended up introducing myself to this new shrink and immediately launching into a whole hour about this jackhammer issue and all the related situations like this one that have dominated my life and caused me to be  continually wracked with anxiety. The shrink listened and then told me he could not help me immediately. I asked for a medicine like Prozac, an SSRI, (brain pill in plain English) which I had resisted taking again for years because of side effects I had experienced long ago. I was ready again.

He said he had to see me again to understand more before prescribing medicine. He did give me some good advice reinforcing what I already knew which was that none of my concerns about noises had anything to do with the real issue of low self esteem and my definition of being victimized and my concept of manhood..

I went back home and heard loud noises but no jackhammering. I lasted about fifteen minutes listening to the screech of drills and the pounding of hammers.  I again knocked on the door and the foreman opened it. His facial expression indicated he had had enough of me.

I said I needed to talk to him again outside and gave him a cash Christmas present to sweeten him up. I said "the noise is loud and it is very disturbing which is not what you said"   He said "let me show you" and took me into the apartment to show me exactly what was being done.

As he did that I started to lose some of the anxiety I had built up. Soon I was back in my apartment concentrating on working and didn't even care about the noise.

 It is Christmas day today and the apartment next door is silent. I keep listening for noises that I envision could be coming from the new owner who I saw had left some cleaning supplies. I am worried about any possible confrontations with this person who is the new owner.

 I asked the foreman questions about the new owner and he said he knew very little except he was a young man.. I automatically started thinking about parties, noise, loud music and wished I could just make friends with this new owner..

The life of a person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is miserable.


Monday, December 23, 2013

Bullied



                                               Bullied

Int. David’s house-Day
Tree lined middle class street-first floor of 3 story building. 5 little boys about 12 years old are outside David’s window yelling at him to come outside. David goes to window.

Alan-C’mon out David.
David-I don’t want to yet.
Alan-We’re not gonna hurt you.
David-That’s ok.
Alan-We want you to play ball with us.
David-I’m going somewhere with my brother Jerry.

Int. Davids apt-continued
Jerry-What’s going on David?
David-Nothing Jer.
Jerry-Those boys bothering you again? I heard them yelling.

Jerry, David’s older brother is 18 and a known tough guy and a popular, respected athlete throughout the neighborhood. David idolizes him. He loves and protects his baby brother David.

Continuous-David’s apt.

David-I’m fine
Jerry-Go out there and whack that Alan kid in the face. That  way they all will leave you alone. He’s the leader isn’t he?
David-  Nods.Sick to his stomach with fear and embarrassment.
David (continued) I don’t want to
Jerry-Too scared?
David-I guess.
Jerry-The bullies will own you until you stand up to them. Go out there and start punching and don’t stop. I’ll watch and make sure you don’t get hurt. Do it.
David walks to the door thinking about going outside and fighting, He can’t do it and starts crying.
Jerry (continuous) Get out there you coward. You’re an embarrassment.
David-I can’t..

Jerry Ext.of apt-continuous. Goes outside to boys

Jerry-Get out of here guys. David doesn’t want to play.
Alan-Your brother is a chickenshit.
Other boys nod agreement
Jerry- So are all your fathers. Tell them I said that and ask them if they want to come see me about it?
Jerry- Now, get  out of here you little assholes.

Ext continuing.
Alan let's go guys.I told you he wouldn't come out after I shoved him around yesterday.
(will be continued)



.  .

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Free Holiday Shopping Tips

                                                 
                                            Tips for Holiday Shopping

Try to pay cash anytime you can. It's too easy to use credit cards which cause many people to over spend.

 Set a budget and don't exceed it. That way the last ones you buy gifts for don't get cheated.

If you are paying with credit cards take a minute to determine the cards with the least expensive interest rates.

Get the easiest gifts purchased first. The less to think about the better.

Make lists of everything and be organized.. Write down the names of the difficult people you must shop for and get creative. Look online if you are stuck. You will get many ideas that way.

Buy online. Its safe, fast, and easy. Don't be afraid if you have not shopped online before. Just do it.

Don't get frustrated by gift buying. It's supposed to be fun. Make it enjoyable. Take your time, stop for a treat, or go with a friend.

Don't make your life miserable by putting off all your shopping until the last minute. That sucks. 
                                                               
                                                              Happy Holidays





Bill and Wendy on WGN radio works

I  recently got hooked on a morning radio talk show which airs on WGN-AM radio in Chicago from 9 am to noon Monday through Friday. The hosts are Bill Leff and Wendy Snyder. It's called "Bill and Wendy"

I got curious about Snyder because she is so sarcastic yet comfortable with Bill Leff. Snyder started her career in Northbrook, Il in 1985 on a Christian radio station. She the scoured a publication called "Radio and Records" and landed a position in Peoria, Il.

After that stint she came back to Chicago and got a position at WLUP-FM that started at 4 AM on Sundays.

She was successful and in 1992 she was teamed up with Kevin Matthews. Then, in 1993 Wendy was paired up with Garry Meyer when he and Steve Dahl split up.

In 1994 she started to host shows with several funny men one of whom was Bill Leff. They became popular and developed a following.They were together until 1999. After a 14 year separation  Bill and Wendy were reunited on WGN-AM in 2013.  I got hooked by Wendy's deferential and sarcastic treatment of Leff.

It's a good radio program strictly which is strictly light hearted but entertaining and sometimes contentious between the hosts.

Bill is the baby and Wendy is the mother.
They seem so different but "Bill and Wendy"  works.



Monday, December 16, 2013

Brazzaz Brazilian Steakhouse on Dearborn St in Chicago Great Place

I recently ate dinner with a friend at Brazzaz  Brazilian Steakhouse. I had purchased a Groupon for $25.00 providing $50.00 of food. Unfortunately, I printed out the receipt instead of the actual coupon. When it came time to pay the bill the people at Brazzaz could not accept the receipt. They said I needed the actual coupon.
So, I was stuck. Two people on the staff, Carlos and Samra were amazingly sympathetic. They tried to print the coupon and tried to figure out whatever else anyone could think of . No luck.

Finally, my friend made a plea to these two concerned people to give us a break and just give us a reduction on the bill. They did!! Just because they cared. So, hats off to you Brazzaz at 539 N. Dearborn St. in Chicago, Il. # 312-595-9000 email info@brazzaz.com

You have wonderful employees especially the two who went above and beyond the call of duty to relieve our stress. We will be back for more of your wonderful food that I could not get enough of.  I must have gained 3 lbs at one sitting. It was a great time..
David Stein

Thursday, December 12, 2013

George Clooney Hot

George Clooney made hi acting debut in 1978. he made his mark on ER, the popular TV series that ran from 1994 to 1999. He has had leading roles in films such as Batman and Robin, Out of Sight, and also had the lead role in Three Kings, a movie about the Gulf War. He won an Academy Award for producing the film Argo in 2013..

In 200 5the very handsome Clooney was ranked by TV guide as one of the "sexiest stars of all time." He is a big time liberal and one of the great ladies men of all time. Despite the countless romances he has been involved in his sexual orientation has still been questioned..

Openly Gay Celebrities

Here are a few brave Gay celebrities who have openly expressed their sexual preferences. Why did it take so long?



                                                       Came out
                                                                                         
+Ricky Martin                                   2010
+Elton John                                       1976
+Ellen DeGeneres                            2008
+Lance Bass                                     2006
+Frank Ocean                                   2012
+Anderson Cooper                           2012

There are many, many more celebrities who are openly +Gay.  But, look at the years that some high profile people finally revealed themselves to the world. Not long ago at all. 

+Elton John has gone public the longest out of the few that I checked. 
 It's still a stigma to be Gay.            
 Too bad.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Mashable Pete Cashmore Bored

Pete Cashmore is the young founder  and CEO of the fabulously successful blog Mashable. He is just a baby born in 1985 and is only in his thirties He started Mashable in Aberdeen, Scotland as a one man blog in 2005 on Word Press and he now employs over 60 people. He travels between Scotland and the U.S. He has a presumed net worth of 95 million dollars.

He has no private investors and makes money through the sales of display advertising. The site covers everything from social media, to technology, to celebrities to you name it. Yet, Cashmore has tweeted he is bored! Poor guy.

Supposedly, CNN was interested in buying Mashable for 200 million dollars. Mashable attracts 22 million viewers each month and it is one of the premier social networking sites in the world.
Cashmore has a live in girlfriend Lisa Bettany who is a photographer.
All that from a single 19 year old guy with an idea.
So boring!!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Barbra Streisand: Big Money And Still The Big Schnoz

Barbra Streisand was born April 24, 1942 in New York. She has done well to say the least going from a singer in Gay clubs to a world famous singer who has sold more then 145 million records and over 70 million albums. She got here start with the help of her boyfriend by singing in Greenwich Village at The Lion in the early 1970,s. She is famously self absorbed once getting into an angry exchange with deceased  interviewer Mike Wallace about being such an egocentric.

She has had a lot of boyfriends and 2 husbands. One boyfriend, her ex-hairdresser Jon Peters, made her the godmother of his 2 children. she helped make him rich. She married actor James Brolin in 1998 and they are still married for better or worse.

She has raised 22 million for her women's cardiovascular center personally contributing 10 million dollars. She has also been very active politically getting behind Bill Clinton and providing her fundraising ability and money to help him to get elected.

She has that famous big nose which she has refused to have surgery on despite many requests for her to do so. She has however done some treatments  Botox on her face which was captured by the National Enquirer  photographing her leaving a clinic .

Babs will soon be celebrating her 70th birthday and can still put it together when the occasion arises.  .

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

This Home Depot Is Really Customer Friendly

Here's some good information about a Home Depot store located at 2655 N. Halsted in Chicago.This is not a paid plug but comes from the bottom of my heart.

 I went to this store on December 2, 2013 just as they had closed. I walked up 3 flights of stairs because the elevators were off. I was determined to buy a kitchen fire extinguisher. The lights were being shut off as I yelled to a man who looked like a manager.

 I told him I had to buy the extinguisher and and asked if he would  help me? He smiled, walked me over to the fire extinguishers, put the one I was looking for in my hand, and had a cashier open her register and check me out. He then got the elevator working so I would not have to walk back down the steps. Now, mind you, I'm am not sickly or handicapped. I don't look like a guy who needs any special treatment. He was just a good employee and a good human being..

I just called the store and spoke to Erin who gave me the name of Joe who  was the man who she thought helped me. Erin was very nice even though she had to do some extra work to help me figure out who  would have been the manager that night. She then said that she was also a manager.

I never felt one way or another about The Home Depot. Now, I think they are special.at least at that store.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Katy Perry Twitter December Leader

Katy Perry had more then 48 million followers on Twitter as of December 2013. Pretty good.