BULLIED: MY FRIEND THE GOLF COURSE BULLY

I always play golf on the weekends with a group of about eight guys. We are all personal friends some closer than others. 

I am very good friends with one of the guys. We are all between the ages of forty five and seventy two years old me being the oldest. 

I have experienced a lifetime of being bullied whether it is mental or physical. I've made a very big effort to stand up for myself with words and deeds. It is scary and tormenting to act when you are afraid but one must face fear when necessary.

Sometimes I succeed and many other times I do not in defending myself. Complicating things is my severe lifelong emotional disorder with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

Without going deep into an analysis of my particular condition which centers around fighting back when I feel victimized I will point out a case in point to explain exactly why I feel bullied right now.

The guy I am very close to is also a bully. His bullying tools are not his muscles but his mouth and alpha personality. 

I love this guy usually. We have a ton of fun and mutual understanding when he is not being an abusive asshole. I believe he really does not want to be a bully. 

I have called him out on it many times but bullying is baked into his personality. He has responded to my unprofessional but intelligent therapies to some degrees. But, not enough. 

We have disagreements and he gets defensive because he thinks I am bullying him with words and abstract concepts which are a problem for him. He thinks I am too smart which is not true. 

Anyway, he told me big words intimidate him so I try not to use them.

 Unlike him, I try to control my vocabulary when around him. He does not extend me the same sensitivity.

My main problem with him occurs on the golf course. He is a great golfer. I am a bad golfer who keeps on playing because I love the game, 

I do have moments of brilliance, and I love and hate playing with my bully friend who is both my cheering section and my relentless taskmaster when I do not follow his instructions or disagree with him. 

Last night I called another guy in the group who makes the golf time reservations. I played so badly yesterday and my back was so sore that I called him to cancel myself for today's game.

I wanted to make sure I was not causing a problem for anyone else in screwing up the times. He said no problem so I thanked him and went to sleep.  

Today, I awoke to find a text from my main tormentor. It simply had a thumbs down symbol on the message. My frenemy learned I cancelled out and did not know if I was sick, hurt, or just did not want to play. 

He did not care. 

He narcissistically reacted by punishing me. He likes me being out there because the guy strangely does love me. I have empathized with this man through many of his own issues where he needed comfort, and understanding. 

That mattered not when he saw I would not play today. To defend myself I left him a voice mail which he did not yet respond to. 

I also wrote him a text in which I said that if he sent the thumbs down symbol because of being very disappointed I will not be there that's one thing. 

If he sent it because he is angry that I blew off the game that is something else. 

I wrote that if you did it just to make me feel bad you lack empathy which is a subject we have discussed. 

We will see what happens. It's probably wasted words. 

So, that is my story this morning, I have decided to write about my experiences in my seventy two years of being victimized.

Being bullied has literally driven me crazy. It has also made me stronger and wiser. 

I will share stories and accept your stories if a bullying blog takes off.

I hope it does because we all have stories to tell and read about..

My Fight With Richie Incognito

I was standing at a full bar in Miami and there was a loud, abrasive, huge, muscular, tattooed guy yelling at another guy in language filled with expletives. He was berating this big, strong fellow who he obviously knew. He yelled "you dumb motherfucker. Don't you know you gotta stop him as soon as he moves off the line"? He kept verbally abusing this guy and then the guys girlfriend said "Cmon Richie,you're embarrassing him." Richie screamed at her "bitch, shut up, I'm not even talking to you." My stomach was rolling. I felt overwhelming fear and also indignity that this monster was intimidating me, the other guy, his girlfriend, and everyone around him. It was another of those situations that are unavoidable and you just hope it will end with the bully leaving. I kept glancing over to the side of the bar where he was standing and acting like a crazy man. He was dug in with a full glass of booze looking like he was not going anywhere. A bunch of people were standing there patronizing him. I heard "Oh Richie, what a play you made and all kinds of other crap. Incognito didn't stop berating this one guy. He was so into the harassment that he was dripping sweat from his drunken intensity I asked myself if I had the balls to go over there and tell the big pig to keep it down without him beating my face in. No way I knew. I am not the type to perform acts of bravery or take needless risks. Usually. But, once in a while. You know guys. I am usually the farthest thing from a tough guy. I am no special forces kind of guy or anything close. I have been bullied more then not. But, I have very rarely had a few moments of glory. I'm just pretty much of a snook. I am not a big, strong, alpha baboon. I'm just a regular neurotic Jewish guy. I looked at two security guys and they were standing close by Richie but doing nothing to slow him down. Just a couple of big guys wanting no real trouble and looking at this out of control brute. I could see the fear in their eyes. I know all about being bullied. Sometimes I have stood up for myself and sometimes I have been too afraid. Sometimes being brave has worked out, other times it has gotten me in trouble or gotten me a beating. Occasionally, I have started to confront a bully but bailed out from fear. However, always the worse thing was questioning myself and the shame for all the times I did not stand up. Those memories still haunt me. So, this situation was probably more about me then Richie Incognito. I made a decision immediately that I would act in this situation if it continued. I was scared stiff. My hear was beating a million miles an hour. But, I made the decision to act if it still was necessary. Please just leave Richie I thought. I kept looking at that horrid monster and I felt like running the other way. I could have. I was alone just cruising for women and fun. But, I'm crazy too in my own way. Not violent though. I'm not tough nor ferocious but once in a while I will face the bully just so I don't have to feel like a coward. But never did I stand up to a bully like this big, scary animal. It was the ultimate test. I remembered a friend of mine named Troy who was a nice guy but a tough guy I admired. I asked him once how he had so much guts. He was a legendary fighter. "They can't eat me can they?" he would laugh. Suddenly, I heard another outburst from Richie again directed at the guy being abused. "Ok" I decided. I made my legs move. I walked over to Incognito with my heart jumping out of my chest. I tapped him on a shoulder that felt like steel. He turned. I'm not very threatening looking. Just a tall 65 year old guy with white hair and black glasses and kind of a nerdy appearance. "What do you want" he asked. I said "I'd like you to stop screaming and yelling" He just looked at me and laughed. "Get the fuck out of my face before I bury you" he said. He reminded me of a guy who could win the world's most evil looking bully contest. I had never seen a meaner looking freak of nature. I could see how he exploited the world by fear and got away with it. Who is going to stop him? King Kong? In a split second I knew that this was my moment of truth. I said to him "there is no need to humiliate this man". In a flash Richie grabbed my neck with an iron hand and pushed me back. "I'm warning you asshole. Get outta here" I said "No" He said "You really wanna fuck with me?" "No" I said "but I want you to stop acting like a madman". The other patrons around could not jump away fast enough as me and Richie Incognito squared off. With a thumping heart I asked " are you going to stop"? Richie smiled for the crowd. He then slapped me in the face with an open hand. The slap stung bad. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. The slap also took me from fear to anger. I just stood there, frozen, but not backing off. He clinched his fist way down at his waist as he stood next to me. "Get away from me" he snarled." I gulped. My life flashed before my eyes. Then, with the desperation of feeling I was in a life or death survival situation I felt a rush of adrenalin pump into my body. I cocked my strong right arm and shot my fist into his fat, pudgy face before he could smack me. I caught him square in the nose with a rock hard right hand shot. My knuckles banged off his nose. His snoot started squirting blood like an oil gusher. Then, with rage and fear riveting through my body I cocked the same fist back and this time I drove it into his mouth with more power then I thought I had. I hit him so hard all the people around gasped from the cracking sound the blow made. He was spurting blood all over his clothes and the floor as I backed up fast. He stood there kind of in shock and disbelief. My deed was done. Now the security guards found their courage. They both thankfully grabbed me. "Take it easy Richie" one said as he mopped his blood up with a linen napkin someone gave him. Richie screamed at me "I'll get you motherfucker" through his bloody face. I was out the door as the security guards let go of me and then held him. He wasn't even trying to get at me. I saw that. I gloriously screamed my parting words. "Bully" "Leave the world alone" Then I woke up from this wonderful dream I have just written about. It all seemed so true but an hour later I was bagging groceries at my supermarket job. This Richie Incognito story was only a glorious dream.