DAVID'S PLACE:

  I woke up this morning in terror about my life. Broke and three days from being homeless thanks to my fucking girlfriend - ex-girlfriend. She gave me the boot just because my old dick won't go up all the time. Ok. Most of the time . Fine. Almost never. I get it. My dick is really a problem. But, its only been bad for 7 or 8 years.  No big deal I tell her. "That's right" she says. "Your dick used to be a big deal. Now its mush just like the person its attached to. You two belong together. Two worthless . I don't know.... Things.  Three days to find another sucker for free rent . Good luck. Your ex- main asset  is now as useless as rotten eggs"   I hobbled over to to  the computer table to take my pills. I glanced at the computer screen and my heart jumped.. I'm not too sharp but I do know a good deal when I see one. She thinks I'm dumb. Ha.  There it was. On the screen in big, bold print  an offer that said." We can make you wealthy wit...

Drunken bitch gets in my #Lyft car and says take her to an address near downtown Chicago. We arrive at the destination but she insists that we are not in the right place. The GPS indicates we are, She gets abusive and starts screaming at  me to take her to the place she wants to go to. I say we are there.  She is screaming like the disgusting spoiled brat she is threatening that she will have me locked up if I will not keep driving to get  her to this imaginary destination. I tell her that the ride is over, that the meter is off, and to leave the car. She refuses. She says that her dad is a policeman. I hand her my phone and tell her to call him. She screams unintelligibly again and demands I get her to this fictitious address. As I was about to call the cops I see three  of them walking towards my car. I open the door and start yelling at them to get this drunken nut out of my car. They pull her out after seeing she is drunk. I drive away with her now screaming...

                                              Online Lovers Nightmare I saw this beautiful black haired woman on an online dating site. She was about 45, tall, and classy looking. Her profile said she lived in a fancy suburb outside Chicago, and that she was divorced and had no kids living at home. Perfect person for me, an inveterate professional online dating love junkie 55 years old, good looking, smooth talking and a great hustler of women.   I sent her an email on match.com which is the online site. She saw my profile and which showed my pictures, age, religion, income, likes and dislikes. All the stuff that is supposed to matter. It may to some. Pictures and not having kids living at home and a convenient location are the only things that mat...