Compulsive Gambler Says No No No To Gambling

I'm dying to gamble. It could be going to the casino and playing poker, slots, craps. It could be playing poker online. It could be betting on basketball, hockey, or anything at all. I will gamble on flipping coins for thousands of dollars.

 I am a sick, degenerate compulsive gambler. Yet, I sit in my penthouse apartment writing, watching TV, talking on the phone and doing anything but gambling. Why don't I? considering the horrible urge I feel to  just do it. No. No. No.  I have not made a bet since January 9, 2009.  I don't intend to. Today.

That is why I now have some money now, can sleep, can afford to support myself, have no bills that are late, no bookmakers chasing me, no credit card companies or banks hunting me down.and all the other problems that come with being a compulsive gambler. So, my painful effort to not give into my urge is part of the price that must be paid in return for the freedom of not being broke and miserable.

I have to tell myself this story because for fifty of my sixty four years I lost every dime I made. I lost millions. I cheated my family, friends, business associates and am lucky to be sitting here with my biggest problem being unable to gamble.

It would be easy to lie to myself and decide I could gamble for small amounts and not let it get out of control. I might even be able to do it for a while. But, eventually the gambling demon would take me over. I would lose all control.  That would be the road back to a hell that I have already been to several times.

Instead, I go to Gamblers Anonymous twice a week or more every week of the year. I listen again and again to stories of have heard before. They are sad stories from people who are compulsive gamblers but will not stop. Only about 2% of the people who come to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting stay abstinent beyond a single year. Most come to a few meetings because of their wive, husband, or girlfriend and they never come back or come back years later and then like me relapse again and again. I relapsed four times before I quit over four years ago.

I continually take my medicine which is going to meetings, being involved with other compulsive gamblers, writing about gambling and whatever else I need to do to distract myself from gambling urges. Compulsive Gambling is an evil, diabolical, insidious disease that shows no mercy. There is no medicine besides self help.

Golden Handcuffs For Compulsive Gambler

What a wonderful day in Chicago. It's about noon on Tuesday and the snow is falling like crazy. I live 29 stories high in a fancy penthouse. I just went out shopping for food and prostate medicine since it appears the city will be buried for a few days. I have enough money to live on, good health, great kids. I am missing a woman in my life who I have been searching furiously for on www.match.com where I have  success even at 64.
One problem. All of this does not allow me to do what I want to do most. I want to gamble. I am a compulsive gambler and despite being one of the luckiest men alive I miss my lover. The dice tables and poker tables are 40 minutes away and I cannot go to them.

If I do gamble again I will probably lose everything. I know that. I know I cannot betray the trust I have been shown. So, I will write, work out, and keep hunting for a new lady. It is like being held in a penthouse jail with golden hand cuffs. I can do anything I want except bet. Life is so unfair