OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Still torturing Me at age 71

I'm sitting here so miserable with really nothing to be miserable about accept the Obsessive Compulsive disorder I suffer from which is raging non-stop through my defective brain like a California wildfire. 

Oh, man, does this hurt. Not a physical pain in my body either. Just the same mental torment my 71 year old body has been suffering from since I used to sweat profusely all over my pillow when I was a little boy. You see, I could not rest until I lined that pillow up perfectly in a certain position and perfectly might not come for an hour or two.

So, much has changed externally in all these years but internally its the same torture chamber that only opens up if I act out in some insane way to relieve the obsessive demons. Unfortunately, acting out is at best short term relief or, in the alternative, no relief at all, only making my OCD worse. 

Intellectual understandings of mental illness does nothing to relieve the pain. Ask any nut like me. 
So, I understand why I need to go punch a brutally tough kick boxer even though I know I will get my ass destroyed at best and end up handicapped or dead. At least the urge to fight this animal will go away so I will not have to live with the fear of anticipating this absolutely unnecessary fight.

 But, another equally bad or worse obsession will be born quickly and live in the glorious rent free utopia of my mind while keeping its foot over any joy or peace I try to find.

I know, I know, the answer lies close to me always in my thoroughly therapy saturated brain. All the dynamic psychological cognitive brain tricks I've learned give me a little peace occasionally. But mostly I stay in OCD hell no matter what. 
Don't cry for me Argentina. 

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Eating Strawberries and Whip Cream With My Hands Is No Big Deal?

The argument is about strawberries!! Really. strawberries. My girlfriend is all pissy tonight. She did not want to go out. She is too tired. I said fine. Good with me. Anyway, we usually get along. I'm this 70 year old Jewish, divorced guy who started another life in Florida after living in Chicago until four months ago. I met my wonderful, absolutely brilliant and indescribably gorgeous girlfriend a few months ago. Now, we live together. We both are retired and she takes care of me like a baby. She loves me crazy, crazy and I love her the same way. I am kind of an entitled, spoiled brat who does not follow normal protocols in many areas .My girlfriend does not mind my being kind of sloppy, impulsive, demanding and I am willing to accept her being habitually late, being lovingly domineering,and needing lights and TVs turned off way too early. I'ts all good usually. 
But, not tonight.

 Well, she got out of bed for a snack. I followed her to the kitchen. 
I love strawberries and whip cream which I made a big bowl of. I never learned how to eat certain foods properly so  I go primitive and use my hands sometimes.

Tonight, Connie went nuts about me eating the berries and whip cream with my fingers.

 I thought nothing of it until she totally went off on me. "Honey, she screeched. What are you doing eating with your hands like that"? "What's the big deal I answered" She said "you eat like a pig" "Huh", I responded. "No one, not even little babies eat with their hands like you." "so, big deal" I answered? 

"No honey, no way. "I'm going to take pictures of you eating like that and send them to your kids" Than, she left the room and took her snack to another room. I followed her trying to make my case. She would not bite.  So, after she would not accept my explanations I became a baby and would not follow her back to the bedroom as she asked me to.

 Than, she told me "Why don't you write about this" See what your audience thinks"
"Ok", I said.
So, w hat do you think about eating strawberries and whip cream with your fingers?  

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