Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Alone And Depressed Compulsive Gambler

Here I sit. I am a 66 year old male with absolutely no life. I have lived it already with very little success. I live nicely in a studio penthouse My old time rich ex-girlfriend pretty much supports me. I have enough money, with her constant help to be ver comfortable.  My health is OK although I do need prostate surgery eventually.

I woke up this morning about 11.30.  I was going to get dressed and go to work. I work for a private taxi service. I have beenj divorced for 25 years. I have a family including 3 kids and 3 grandchildren but I am alone. I know many people from a life filled with owning a big business, playing ball, gambling,  and going out with many women.  Bu, I am so all alone now..

I decided to cook some pork chops I bought yesterday. Then, I did get dressed and ate the  pork chops. Instead of leaving I turned on the TV program Cops and have sat here for 3 hours watching episode after episode..

I am so depressed I cannot put it into other words except this recap.. Now, I am having doubts as to whether I will go to work at all since I control my own time and hours. I have a Gamblers Anonymous meeting tonight. A bunch of guys meet before the meeting to have dinner. I am friends with all of them but I don't care about most of them and most do not care about me. Now, I will look at one of the online dating sites I subscribe to.

I was never lonely when I gambled. I could always bet and never feel lonely.I have not made a bet in almost six years. That  is my only bragging right. I am so alone.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Match.com Secret To Success

As a 66 year old expert male player on match.com I will share with you a sure fire method of finding out if you are a player. A player is a good looking guy that easily gets the girls. My formula goes no deeper then it being a system for you ex- jocks who want to know if you still have what it takes to attract women with your looks alone.

 It is very easy to use..By the way, it is not for you dreamers who think that what you write in your emails really matters. I repeat. Success with online dating is all about looks. At least it is with the fancy ass women on match and other sites. That is shallow and superficial but trust me. I am right. That is how it works. You will know how physically appealing you are on match.com or any other dating site very quickly. So, try this method and you can evaluate your appeal.You get an instant judgement.

Decide on your requirements regarding age, location, financial status. You can set the match program to access only those women you are interested in. Write 25 emails exactly as I have written the sample below.
Then, do the following. Email the 25 ladies all at one time. Don't get fancy, don't try to be witty. Just copy and paste what I have written. It is what I have used effectively forever. You will know if you are going to be a player, a partial player, or a reject..
                                                       
  I'm interested ( in caption line above email box)
"Hi, I like your profile and I like the way you look. Let me know if you are also interested. Yes or no will be fine"  Sincerely,
                               David

 Wait about 30 minutes after you have written the emails. Then, you get the results. Click on the people who have most recently viewed you. Match them to the 25 you emailed. You can navigate all that on the match site. If you see a bunch of women you emailed looked at your profile you will know your fate.

If your inbox is empty or almost empty because no emails came back from people you emailed you are probably going to be a loser on dating sites. Live with it. 

If a few responses came back saying they are  interested along with some messages and questions included and maybe an offer of a phone number you have a future. Work it.

If a whole bunch came back with messages indicating a desire to meet you, with some phone numbers included, then you are going to have a great time hustling all those endless ladies out there. Go for it..

If you cannot  make a determination after those first emails try another 25  people. If you get no responses again or very few with no offers of phone numbers or messages then you don't have the looks to be an instant player.
You are in for a long grind.

 Don't give up though. Even the blind squirrel finds the nut once in a while. Keep emailing but use writing skills also because your looks alone won't do it. Go for their hearts.

  Guys, you aren't going to learn anything about yourself you didn't already know. You are just confirming reality.

I ain't nothing to look at but I have done great online. But it never goes fast or easy for me.
Persistence is my answer. It works but it is so slow

                       .

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Obama Dunno Nuttin

Cmon Barack. Major torture of prisoners going on at the CIA and you did not know about it? The atrocities taking place that you did not admit to because you were kept in the dark.? Who knew what and when?
 Many people at the C.I.A and other places knew for sure. But, no one came forward. It was all a cover up? A giant conspiracy?  Even us gullible Americans are not stupid enough to believe that. Did Chuck Hagel find out and confront you about it?  Then, did he resign because you did not have the balls to tell the American people of this C.I.A lethal torture. And, Hagel would not be part of it so he let you force him out of office. .

Obama, why don't you buy a house with Bush Jr. and sit around talking to each other about all the lies you both told us Americans. Or, talk to each other about how stupid each of you are for not knowing what the fuck was going on  your watches.

Yeah Obama. About that transparency you promised. You are about as transparent as  black out drapes.

Monday, December 1, 2014

My Life Being Bullied

I started to write down the names of all the people who have bullied me, both physically and psychologically, in my life and I realize that I could write forever about those experiences. It all started when I was a very little boy. I was afraid to fight back when I was harassed and soon everyone had my number. Even though I was popular and a good athlete bullies would find me and pick up on my vulnerability.


So, eventually at school, in the playground, at a party or the movies, anywhere at all, a bully would test me and see that I would not stand up for myself. So, besides the shame and disgrace I felt then I would have to constantly be fearful of being around that guy. Hyper vigilance and constant anxiety became the cornerstones of my existence.


I am now 65 years old and things have not changed except the ages of the people who test me to see if I will become their victim. I can still be easily intimidated if a bully knows what to say or do to get in my head.


I have used so much mental energy torturing myself because of the continual shame and repulsion I have felt that even after being in therapy, taking medicine, engaging in cognitive behavior therapy, and sharing my innermost thoughts about my terribly damaged ego and lack of self esteem I cannot seem to get any lasting relief.

I am constantly in fear of events occurring that I cannot control but feel I must react to..Threats. Even irrational ones. It does not matter. A neighbor playing loud music, a dog barking nearby that is creating a disturbance, a bully in the street I see taking advantage of someone who cannot defend themselves, or any other situation where I feel that I will have to stand up and walk through the wall of fear to confront the bully behind the disturbance..


I am either afraid to act and do nothing and afterward will torture myself for cowardliness. Or, I face the fear and confront a person I think is a bully. Very often for the wrong reasons. I often end up not accomplishing my objective of resolving the problem but only exacerbate it. Sometimes, I do solve my perception of a bullying problem only to have another similar situation quickly appear.


Long ago I learned to face fear even if it is not justified. I just desperately need the release of facing the fear that I could not face when I was a little boy. I learned how to step into the mouth of terror often for the wrong reasons and then sometimes suffer terrible consequences. There is no winning . The aftermath is still feeling bullied by needing to correct a situation I should have never created.The victory can only be achieved in my mind. Self acceptance is my eternal quest.



It turns out that many of my actions were not about helping the victim, whether the victim is myself or another person but about resolving something that I should have resolved internally. Sometimes it is not bullying, it is my bullied personality creating or distorting a problem. If I were not so sensitized to any situation that could upset my delicate anti-bullying equilibrium I would filter out real situations from ones that I just blew up incorrectly.


It's a.painful life being bullied or being a victim.

Banging My High School Girlfriends Mother

My high school girlfriends mother was the hottest hunk of refined white, sexy trash you could imagine. She had red hair, big tits and a beautiful round ass. I fantasized about her endlessly as I banged her very good looking daughter. She was the original Mrs Robinson. She always wore high heels, flimsy skirts and had those perfect arms ala Marilyn Monroe. which swung from her shoulders. At about 5'7" tall and at the age of 34 she was the ultimate bomb to me  eighteen years old at the time and boiling with lust. I had always had this thing for older women and she was the dream.

Her husband was a long distance tuck driver who was gone many nights. Sometimes, I would come over on the pretense of seeing her daughter even when I knew her daughter would not be home. My Mrs. Robinson would sit at the kitchen table smoking cigarettes in a scanty and barely respectable house coat. She and I would often play gin rummy.

One of those times she mentioned that her old man was going to be gone for a few days and that her daughter was sleeping out. She looked up at me to gage my reaction.

Obviously, she had thoughts about me too. I was a rugged 6'3", 220 lb. hunk of muscle who was the star of the high school football team. I was all man all the way with a big cock included in the package.
It seemed every woman young and old was hot for me but I had had very little real passionate sex, just lots of necking and petting with some occasional intercourse that never felt right. Not that I knew what right was. until that night.

I yelled gin and Mrs. Robinson said good job. She then said she was bored and didn't want to play anymore. She said she had a much better idea.  She  awaited my response to that remark. I knew that meant she wanted me. I felt my cock blow up as I looked squarely in her eyes.

We were both thinking the same thing when suddenly she asked "Can you handle a real woman?" I said "Try me" She smiled and sucked in a last drag of her cigarette as she opened the buttons on my hairy chest. She grabbed my thigh and pushed her hand onto my hard cock. I almost exploded in my pants but held on. I stood up and my iron dick stuck out as she gazed at it..

She stood up, licked her lips, and practically dragged me into the bedroom. She was like a hungry beast that found a delicious animal to ravage. She pushed me onto the mattress and ripped off her panties without bothering to take off the rest. . She went down on me and sucked oh so hard on my throbbing cock. Then she mounted me and my erection was easily sucked into her huge, dripping pussy. She started humping me wildly with total abandon. She screamed several  times in ecstasy and after she shot her first very wet load I shot my giant sized load also. Then, we did it again with me on top of her. The session went on for an about an hour

When we were done she looked in my eyes while kissing my face softly. "You can never tell anyone about this" "Ever" I never did. Until now. It is 50 years later.