Viagra: Hard To Live Without

Viagra is my best sexual friend. I am a player who naturally thinks he can find true love through sexual prowess. But, I have learned that to get things going now, at 64, I need to use Viagra as my tool. My hammer. It's my best ally and it has done much for me. Many women have loved me sexually.

So, a little while ago I met this beautiful, 60 year old, very smart and sexy woman online.

We both flirted for a week in preparation  for the magical Friday night dinner date we made.. She got a massage, bought new jeans and I got a manicure and haircut and wore the same clothes I wore on online in my profile picture she liked so much.

We ended up in a frantic countdown to our meeting at this restaurant we agreed to dine at. We finally met in person . It was heaven. A dream. She looked better then her hot pictures and also immediately upon seeing me told me she said she loved every part of  the way I looked. My face, arms, chest all met her dreams of what she wanted in a man. Her whole look me mine. Magic had finally happened.

We looked at each other at the table we were seated at and she peered straight into  my eyes and told me how she wanted to kiss me and she knew I wanted to kiss her. I said yes,yes, yes..  She started kissing me immediately
even though public displays of affection were outside her comfort zone.  But, she went with the moment and kissed my lips. It was so perfect.

As the check arrived with us waiting to leave and longing to get our hands on each other I asked her where she wanted to go. She said" back to your house". "Is there anywhere else to go?"

I never dreamed she would say that. I figured dancing, drinking, or listening to music after dinner if we were even attracted was as far as it would go that first night.  Don't forget. We had never met. Only pictures. I never thought she would want to go right to bed. I was totally unprepared meaning I had no Viagra anywhere.to make me into a stud. I am a normal dud without one..                                         

We got back to my place and I turned on some music. We wrapped our arms around each other and laid on my bed in our clothes
 I was in trouble but we were so swept away I thought just hugging and kissing and talking would be enough.

 I realized quickly that she was ready to do it all sexually.  I couldn't whip out my limp cock and put on a show leaving her satiated and in uncontrollable lust. I had no blue pill to rely on. So, I was stuck.  I do need it and then I  function like a super stud. I never thought of buying a Viagra  that day.. I never considered that sex was on the agenda that night. I couldn't explain what the problem was either. She did not want to have her dream ruined.

So, I tried to cover up the lack of a hard on with high school type necking and  petting uttering sweet nothings in her ear as we petted and told each other that we were eternal soul mates. I kept my pants on so I did not give away my inability to perform  and acted like I didn't even want to have  intercourse so quickly.
I also did not know how critical I would come to believe it was to do the deed..

Meanwhile,  I think our lives would be have changed forever if we made great, mutually satisfying love. But, my true friend.....my cock, was just a jellyfish...not a tree trunk Finally, after a few hours she said she had to get home. it was wonderful, all the kissing and petting. But, it wasn't the steak she wanted.

I was fine anyway still thinking I was in golden shape with her and not even thinking about my cock mattered because of the intense intimacy we shared.

Maybe she would not have let me make love to her, maybe we could not have made love well with each other, maybe she would have bailed out the next day anyway, maybe...maybe...maybe. What a killer.

 I will never know what and I want to know. did I lose her because I didn't screw her. I feel like Bill Buckner, the infamous baseball player who let the ground ball slip through his legs losing the championship for his team and all the what ifs that have come afterward.

Meanwhile, next day she didn't text me back at 6.30 am when I  texted her telling her  I missed her. Then, I went back to sleep till 11am still comfortable about her. At 11, when I awoke, she had not gotten back to me and my mind started to race.  Something was wrong. She had been calling every few hours for a week.

Why? I thought. I called her and she said she was busy helping her son move and that she thinks she got carried away the night before. We should cool it after that week of frenzy but she couldn't talk until about 10 pm that night. An eternity. My stomach got sick and I could not eat or concentrate waiting to talk to her.

 What did I do wrong? Why was I getting blown off?
I called and talked to her that night. I never mentioned the Viagra theory because I had not figured out it that was the problem. I still don't know for sure.

She apologized for hurting me and said she had to go back to therapy because she had lost her mind before with other men like she had lost it with me in getting into a crazy state of mind about a new romance. She was still all shaken up she said. She told me how wonderful, terrific, and great I was but that we needed time apart. I knew I was done.

I asked how could the intensity and passion disappear overnight. She said a lot of nothing about how  fucked up she was. We got off the phone. I got sicker.

I thought about it. I suddenly realized what the whole problem might be. This classy lady come right back to my apartment and jumped on my bed. We necked and petted. It ultimately was not enough for her.She wanted it all. That could only mean she wanted furious lovemaking sending her to the moon. Then, things would have been different the next day I think.

I never thought of buying Viagra as a backup.  I had never met this woman before and even being a hard core veteran of romance and one night stands I never thought she would want to come right back to my condo. But, she had immediately said she wanted to go there after dinner.  She came into my condo, laid down right on my king sized bed in and  grabbed me and kissed me passionately.

She asked questions about my whole anatomy filled with compliments and about how my cock probably looked.  Normally; if my cock was hard I would have whipped it out, had her admire it by putting on a show for her, made sweet or wild love to her, her choice, and she would probably have been mine.
But, I had no big, hard cock for her, and worse, I didn't even know I needed one that night. I had never met her before and she caught me off guard.

I could have had a life with her because she was smart, classy, beautiful, and sensual and connected perfectly with me I thought. But, I believe she wanted the lover I am but never experienced.. I needed my little blue tool.
I wrote all of this in a letter to her a few days later  after I talked  to her but she gave a small written response addressing almost none of the points I mentioned here and only wishing me luck.

I blew it with the one I really wanted . The big fish got away. I am still hurting and am still sick even now. It was only a romance for one week and really only one night  but it still seems like it was a lifetime.

I know I won't be able to go back to her again. It was a carpe diem moment and I didn't show up. One bite of the golden apple is all one usually gets. I was given the apple and choked on it instead of devouring it..

Viagra has controlled my life and I forget to bring it. Of all the times in my life of seduction I blew the lottery But, I really had no idea I needed it that pill that night.

Oh well, you live by the cock and you can die by it too..

What a dick I am.