Gambling-The Unconditional Lover

Gambling. One of the nastiest monsters of the world. Feed it and it eats your soul. Starve it and it destroys you mind. To a real compulsive gambler the loss of gambling is good reason for perpetual mourning. Every ounce of desire in your body craves going back to gambling again. The adrenalin, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is enough to inspire any gambler no matter how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am talking about lost health, family, friends. Losing your whole life. I have gambled for over 50 years and lost it all. In the last few years i have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling. I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, and blackjack. I would win or lose thousands of dollars a day. I figured out that I have lost well over a million dollars in my life. Enough to destroy me financially, mentally, and emotionally. Yet the monster inside my brain lives on unaffected. It says "you can do it David." You can set limits, avoid going out of control, and enjoy the happiness of being in action." My rational mind keeps speaking at the same time. "Go to a G.A. meeting David. You are getting false messages. You are doomed if you gamble. You know that." I do. But,the evil voice tears at my my heart and says "just do it. "You will do it right this time. It will be ok" The logical mind needs constant reinforcement to say no. The evil mind that is supported by emotion needs no nourishment. But it never is.