Same old OCD torment again.. This urge to confront a guy I play softball with is overwhelming.. I know that nothing good could come of it. I do not have anything against this guy.. But, I feel I must act out again to prove some kind of distorted courage to myself..
I am all overwhelmed and anxiety ridden about seeing him on the field tomorrow. It feels like there can be no relief unless I confront him about a perceived issue that he already apologized for.
It is the same lifelong urge that makes an ocd person check the lights or the stove or do a million other things to feel relief.. Only mine can get dangerous because I need apologies or physical contact to get relief.. Usually, that only makes the OCD .urge more complicated.
Fear of the feeling of anxiety eating away is my issue.
So, I get a reckless idea as to how to relieve it. Many times the solutions are dangerous. I have ended up in the hospital, in jail, in mental wards, and always living with terrible OCD thoughts for long periods of time while trying to create unsuccessful personal solutions.
Only doing nothing about OCD urges is the solution other then therapy and medicine.
Yet, figuring out persoanl solutions seem the only way to relieve the sickening anxiety I am feeling right now. It is always the same thing. There have been countless situations like this. But, I do not evedr learn that the solutions lie within..
I know that doing nothing other then applying my knowledge to this current situation is the answer. Self acceptance is critical but I cannot take comfort in it for very long.
All the intellectual understanding in the world fails me. Medicine helps somewhat but not enough. Peace lies within my tortured mind but I can not attach my brain to that peace for very long.
I will now start to do the work again. I know what to do and how to do it.but I do't have the mental courage.
I will not act out on this episode.I will take the first step again to deal with my OCD from within. .
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Match.com bad management and rip off rates.
Match.com sucks. They cancelled my subscription by accident. I had argued about app $8.00 owed to me and unpaid by match.com as they had promised.
I have been a member almost since they opened.They are a bunch of pigs and Zina in customer service would rather argue then do business. Also, they are not keeping up with their competition.
Phony pictures and profiles fill the match site. Their automatic renewal policy is a rip off as are their rates.They do not admit to the FREE memberships offered.
The site allows people who are not online to appear as if they are. They never cancel memberships even when people have dropped out and do not pay match anymore.
Try other services.
Match is composed of bad management..
.
I have been a member almost since they opened.They are a bunch of pigs and Zina in customer service would rather argue then do business. Also, they are not keeping up with their competition.
Phony pictures and profiles fill the match site. Their automatic renewal policy is a rip off as are their rates.They do not admit to the FREE memberships offered.
The site allows people who are not online to appear as if they are. They never cancel memberships even when people have dropped out and do not pay match anymore.
Try other services.
Match is composed of bad management..
.
Monday, September 11, 2017
David's Place: Paying Peanuts For Bloggers From Google AdSense
David's Place: Paying Peanuts For Bloggers From Google AdSense: AdSense is a mystery to me. Blogger is the free blogging site that Google owns and operates very efficiently. AdSense, owned by Google, keep...
Paying Peanuts To Bloggers From Google AdSense
AdSense is a mystery to me. Blogger is the free blogging site that Google owns and operates very efficiently. AdSense, owned by Google, keeps track of what bloggers earn. AdSense is mutually beneficial for both Google and bloggers who are paid by the amount of times their blog is clicked on..
Ad revenues are generated toward Google advertisers whose ads are placed on the same pages along with the blogs. So, it's a quid pro quo more or less. Less for any bloggers except the best and most popular who are a special few who work endlessly and are very talented. and get a lot of traffic.
I have been owed $85.24 from Google AdSense for several years. Today, I again got interested in figuring out how to get paid.
I know that you must earn $100.00 to formally be entitled to receive a payment from Google AdSense. However, I am sure Google pays small sums for things they need even when the amount is less then $100.00.
They need bloggers.. There is lots of competition for us. But it takes many of us foever to earn $100.00 despite bringing in traffic to the site.
Most bloggers earn nothing at all or very small sums..I realize there are a few bloggers who make real money but I believe that statistics would show that an average blogger makes peanuts. They write for love.
I have blogged thousands of hours with heart and soul for many years because I love to write and share what I think. I have over 10,000 page views on my blog. I have earned my $85.24. and I have generated plenty of traffic for Google. I admit I have been an off and on blogger like so many others. But, I have stayed with Google Blogger..
Blogging is fun and fulfilling.but it is hard work. Incentives are needed to keep the army of bloggers like myself blogging away. It is unfulfilling to work for FREE. Google understands they are getting slave labor from many who cannot earn $100.00 in a reasonable period of time. But,we keep blogging anyway which only helps Google and it's advertisers..
Google could fix this problem by awarding small payments. I know it's a lot of bookkeeping and detail but it might be worth it. Part time bloggers would love that idea and would likely blog more.
It takes forever to earn $100.00 blogging if you are just a normal person who likes to write and are not a professional blogger. .Those $1000.00 a day blogger earning figures that are tossed around are a fantasy. Huge AdSense earnings are an almost impossible dream for most bloggers. Maybe Mashable and a few blogger superstars know how to make real money from blogging but normal bloggers makes only pennies for their hard work.
I am a senior citizen who is not computer savvy. I hardly know what a URL is. I cannot figure out most things on a computer. I am happy to just get online knowing how to perform a few simple steps with a computer. I type with two fingers. Who cares?.
Writing is a great, first amendment outlet.and I love unfiltered, easy to publish social commentary the same as so many others do.. .
Google makes blogging very easy. Blogging is part of what really does make America great.. Everyone should blog. It is an easy and great way to express almost anything you feel...
Nonetheless, this $85.24 is a matter of principle. .Also, it would be good business for Google to pay out small sums to promote blogging.
Google has proven it is composed of sensitive, humane, and honest employees who respect the majority of its following of people throughout the world. Google should do more to promote itself by compensating lots of people small sums for blogging..We are your profit center..
I went to my Google page, to the AdSense forum, to Google Analytics on Twitter, and am now also posting this story. It has taken about three hours to write. Make another smart move Google.. Allow us non-superstar bloggers to be compensated by making payments of small sums.
We deserve a break from you. Blogger Bloggers generate so much revenue and passion to your site. You are all about fairness Google are you not?
Since you at Google literally see just about everything in the world then pretend the $$85.00 you owe me is a payment for a bunch of donuts or something and not a payment for blogging.
Do that for everyone who is an occasional blogger. Who knows?.
Maybe this is a monster idea. That is how Google started out is it not?.
It is worth a test. (all rights reserved lol).
Thank you.
David
..
Ad revenues are generated toward Google advertisers whose ads are placed on the same pages along with the blogs. So, it's a quid pro quo more or less. Less for any bloggers except the best and most popular who are a special few who work endlessly and are very talented. and get a lot of traffic.
I have been owed $85.24 from Google AdSense for several years. Today, I again got interested in figuring out how to get paid.
I know that you must earn $100.00 to formally be entitled to receive a payment from Google AdSense. However, I am sure Google pays small sums for things they need even when the amount is less then $100.00.
They need bloggers.. There is lots of competition for us. But it takes many of us foever to earn $100.00 despite bringing in traffic to the site.
Most bloggers earn nothing at all or very small sums..I realize there are a few bloggers who make real money but I believe that statistics would show that an average blogger makes peanuts. They write for love.
I have blogged thousands of hours with heart and soul for many years because I love to write and share what I think. I have over 10,000 page views on my blog. I have earned my $85.24. and I have generated plenty of traffic for Google. I admit I have been an off and on blogger like so many others. But, I have stayed with Google Blogger..
Blogging is fun and fulfilling.but it is hard work. Incentives are needed to keep the army of bloggers like myself blogging away. It is unfulfilling to work for FREE. Google understands they are getting slave labor from many who cannot earn $100.00 in a reasonable period of time. But,we keep blogging anyway which only helps Google and it's advertisers..
Google could fix this problem by awarding small payments. I know it's a lot of bookkeeping and detail but it might be worth it. Part time bloggers would love that idea and would likely blog more.
It takes forever to earn $100.00 blogging if you are just a normal person who likes to write and are not a professional blogger. .Those $1000.00 a day blogger earning figures that are tossed around are a fantasy. Huge AdSense earnings are an almost impossible dream for most bloggers. Maybe Mashable and a few blogger superstars know how to make real money from blogging but normal bloggers makes only pennies for their hard work.
I am a senior citizen who is not computer savvy. I hardly know what a URL is. I cannot figure out most things on a computer. I am happy to just get online knowing how to perform a few simple steps with a computer. I type with two fingers. Who cares?.
Writing is a great, first amendment outlet.and I love unfiltered, easy to publish social commentary the same as so many others do.. .
Google makes blogging very easy. Blogging is part of what really does make America great.. Everyone should blog. It is an easy and great way to express almost anything you feel...
Nonetheless, this $85.24 is a matter of principle. .Also, it would be good business for Google to pay out small sums to promote blogging.
Google has proven it is composed of sensitive, humane, and honest employees who respect the majority of its following of people throughout the world. Google should do more to promote itself by compensating lots of people small sums for blogging..We are your profit center..
I went to my Google page, to the AdSense forum, to Google Analytics on Twitter, and am now also posting this story. It has taken about three hours to write. Make another smart move Google.. Allow us non-superstar bloggers to be compensated by making payments of small sums.
We deserve a break from you. Blogger Bloggers generate so much revenue and passion to your site. You are all about fairness Google are you not?
Since you at Google literally see just about everything in the world then pretend the $$85.00 you owe me is a payment for a bunch of donuts or something and not a payment for blogging.
Do that for everyone who is an occasional blogger. Who knows?.
Maybe this is a monster idea. That is how Google started out is it not?.
It is worth a test. (all rights reserved lol).
Thank you.
David
..
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Help For Hydrocephalus Sufferers
Going into the hospital on Wednesday July 19. The Dr. will put a shunt in my head to funnel the water on my brain into the shunt and drain it harmlessly into my stomach. That will hopefully correct and relieve the weakness and inability to use my legs without a cane, and hopefully the shunt will restore my short term memory which is all but gone. This condition I have is called Hydrocephalus. Most people do not know about it because it only effects a very small segment of people.
There is a wonderful place called the Hydrocephalus Association at 4340 East West Highway Suite 905 in Bethesda MD 20814.
They perform a great service with literature, videos, personal contacts, and recommendations..
There are no charges. Just help.
The number is 301-202-3811 and the email is info@HYDROASSoc.org
Hope this help someone..
There is a wonderful place called the Hydrocephalus Association at 4340 East West Highway Suite 905 in Bethesda MD 20814.
They perform a great service with literature, videos, personal contacts, and recommendations..
There are no charges. Just help.
The number is 301-202-3811 and the email is info@HYDROASSoc.org
Hope this help someone..
Friday, July 14, 2017
My Battle With Hydrocephalus
I have not blogged very much in recent months. I have an excuse. I have been sick and furthermore unable to find a Dr. to diagnose the condition, I have had a continual problem walking, and remembering easy short term memory events. I went from Dr. to Dr. and finally a found a neurologist who made a diagnosis of a condition called Hydrocephalus which is water on the brain. This water drips down into the spine and causes trouble walking, and thinking. That is my problem..It takes a long time to emerge but it is usually curable.
After spending a huge part of my life for the last few years as the disease progressed I became more and more desperate to, find a DR. who could treat this disease which is treatable I have spent so much of my time researching I feel like an expert on Hydrocephalus. I found a Dr, a neurosurgeon who will put cut my skull open and insert a shunt in my brain to drain the damaging fluid from and cut it off from travelling to my spine where it does all the damage.
On July 19 I will have neurosurgery done by Dr. Matthew Tate at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago. He willLput a shunt in my brain which hopefully will resolve this problem. I could write tons about Hydrocephalus but I will not now.
I will report more as the days go on for those who are interested.
After spending a huge part of my life for the last few years as the disease progressed I became more and more desperate to, find a DR. who could treat this disease which is treatable I have spent so much of my time researching I feel like an expert on Hydrocephalus. I found a Dr, a neurosurgeon who will put cut my skull open and insert a shunt in my brain to drain the damaging fluid from and cut it off from travelling to my spine where it does all the damage.
On July 19 I will have neurosurgery done by Dr. Matthew Tate at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago. He willLput a shunt in my brain which hopefully will resolve this problem. I could write tons about Hydrocephalus but I will not now.
I will report more as the days go on for those who are interested.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Hydrocephalus
no goals or objectives. I'm 68 years
old and healthy other the having a condition called hydrocephalus
which is fluid on the ban. It makes you unable to walk properly,
think cognitively, or feel balance. It is terrible to live with. No
taking a walk, engaging in fruitful conversation, or enjoy normal
short term memory. In fact one of the only ways I can get any piece
of mind is to write. Writing gives some meaning and value to my life.
It is one of the only ways I have left to cope with my semblance of a
life What do I do? I'm sitting in front of the tv with no life and no
purpose. I have nowhere to go and Wed June 7, 2017 Everyone needs
validation in their life. It5 can come with a job, a wife, a family,
consuming hobbies and many other things. I do not have any of
those. I am alone in my own morbidly depressed life.I have 3
wonderful, loving grown children and 5 grandchildren That is not
enough to capture my mind for very long. I always come back to this
indescribably dismal place where I see no value in my life. I want
to live but do not know what to do with this life.
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