Monday, November 4, 2019
Steven Bochko
I read about Steven Bochko and I believe he was the best combination writer and producer of cop stories ever.
Thursday, October 31, 2019
David's Place: Compulsive Gambling and Obsessive Compulsive Disor...
David's Place: Compulsive Gambling and Obsessive Compulsive Disor...: A realization dawned on me this morning when I woke up a few hours earlier than normal. I was not tired but actually inspired. I wanted bad...
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT
I cannot sneeze again. This
inability to sneeze has been going on for 20 years now. I go into
cycles of weeks where I cannot complete a sneeze. The ahhh comes....but the choo does not. I have been deep in one of
those cycles. I think I have sneezed once in the last 2 weeks. I am
now jealous of anyone who shoots out a sneeze, My girlfriend just
blasted out a ferocious honker. I lovingly said gazuntite. But, I am quietly jealous and envious. I know my issue has nothing to
do with a physical problem. I feel fine. But, my neurotic head will
not allow me to function. I wait to sneeze minute by minute. I cannot. This is not a joke.
Saturday, June 29, 2019
OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Still torturing Me at age 71
I'm sitting here so miserable with really nothing to be miserable about accept the Obsessive Compulsive disorder I suffer from which is raging non-stop through my defective brain like a California wildfire.
Oh, man, does this hurt. Not a physical pain in my body either. Just the same mental torment my 71 year old body has been suffering from since I used to sweat profusely all over my pillow when I was a little boy. You see, I could not rest until I lined that pillow up perfectly in a certain position and perfectly might not come for an hour or two.
So, much has changed externally in all these years but internally its the same torture chamber that only opens up if I act out in some insane way to relieve the obsessive demons. Unfortunately, acting out is at best short term relief or, in the alternative, no relief at all, only making my OCD worse.
Intellectual understandings of mental illness does nothing to relieve the pain. Ask any nut like me.
So, I understand why I need to go punch a brutally tough kick boxer even though I know I will get my ass destroyed at best and end up handicapped or dead. At least the urge to fight this animal will go away so I will not have to live with the fear of anticipating this absolutely unnecessary fight.
But, another equally bad or worse obsession will be born quickly and live in the glorious rent free utopia of my mind while keeping its foot over any joy or peace I try to find.
I know, I know, the answer lies close to me always in my thoroughly therapy saturated brain. All the dynamic psychological cognitive brain tricks I've learned give me a little peace occasionally. But mostly I stay in OCD hell no matter what.
Don't cry for me Argentina.
Oh, man, does this hurt. Not a physical pain in my body either. Just the same mental torment my 71 year old body has been suffering from since I used to sweat profusely all over my pillow when I was a little boy. You see, I could not rest until I lined that pillow up perfectly in a certain position and perfectly might not come for an hour or two.
So, much has changed externally in all these years but internally its the same torture chamber that only opens up if I act out in some insane way to relieve the obsessive demons. Unfortunately, acting out is at best short term relief or, in the alternative, no relief at all, only making my OCD worse.
Intellectual understandings of mental illness does nothing to relieve the pain. Ask any nut like me.
So, I understand why I need to go punch a brutally tough kick boxer even though I know I will get my ass destroyed at best and end up handicapped or dead. At least the urge to fight this animal will go away so I will not have to live with the fear of anticipating this absolutely unnecessary fight.
But, another equally bad or worse obsession will be born quickly and live in the glorious rent free utopia of my mind while keeping its foot over any joy or peace I try to find.
I know, I know, the answer lies close to me always in my thoroughly therapy saturated brain. All the dynamic psychological cognitive brain tricks I've learned give me a little peace occasionally. But mostly I stay in OCD hell no matter what.
Don't cry for me Argentina.
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