Blog Help

Finally getting help with this blog from a computer expert. He is showing me right now all the things I don't know about using the Google blog properly. So, we will see.

Wrestling With Google AdSense

I don't care how much they publish about using Google AdSense. I don't care how dense I feel because I can't understand the information and the directions. I don't care about anything right now other than figuring out how to navigate my blog, so I can start figuring out exactly what's going on with information, traffic, and earnings.

I'm old school and I can write, but I am certainly baffled by the technology attached to Google blogs. I am open to any and all suggestions. Thanks.

Bullied Older Man His Own Victim

Last week I was driving out the gate of my high rise apartment garage. An older lady was in front of me. She was blocked in by a workers van  and he would not give her enough room to get out. I watched her get frustrated as the guy would not move up and make space obviously thinking there was enough room for her. She disagreed and bravely got out of her car and walked up to the van and screamed at the driver to make way. He angrily spun forward and screamed "bitch" at her as she drove away. I watched it all unfold from a few feet away. I did not act. I am relentlessly beating myself up for not walking out of my car and defending the woman by telling the driver he had a  big mouth to swear at her and who did he think he was etc etc..  But I didn't get involved. I just watched.

So, it is now several days after the incident. All I did was report the event to the building management lady to tell her what I witnessed.   Now, my appetite is gone, I have been feeling miserable and all I have done is sleep and work since Friday. I am obsessed with my inaction. I hate myself again. It might as well have all happened in the school yard.

I was going to follow up with the lady in the building I reported the incident to, I was going to go downstairs and see if this guy or his business was working on fixing the garage door today, I was going to do something to relieve the anxiety in my stomach.  But this time I have not acted out. I know action would be coming from the wrong place. It would have been fine if I did something, anything to aid the lady when it happened but it's over with no harm. Now. if I can let it be without destroying my life any further. So, you see. It's all about me not victims. I understand all that.

It has been my history to torture myself because of my OCD about bullying to correct an injustice.If I felt was done   to me or another does not matter. Facing fear does. That's all this is about. Many times I have acted out during an event or afterward many times unnecessarily and with bad consequences.. It has never been for justice. It is just to relieve my own anxiety.


I have gotten into fistfights, faced all kinds of physical fear, gone after people who I wanted to confront for so many years now that I have literally been controlled by this seeking  justice aspect of my OCD affliction. I don't ever really care about avenging either acts against myself or another because they are always non-serious like the garage incident. It's just that when I sit by without acting as I just did I feel like the coward I have always felt I was ever since I was bullied as a little boy. Acting out always seems like the right thing to do but it is the wrong thing to do. The solution to this problem lies within. I am trying today to let it.

I have suffered so much both physical and mental torture from trying to face the fear of facing people like that van driver that I have ruined a considerable pert of my life being a prisoner of this OCD condition. The cure only comes when I do face a fear as it happens or after it happens and it all works so my brain can get right  by getting an apology or punching someone or doing something where in the end I my head gets back in balance  Then I stop caring which is the end of any obsession.

My appetite returns, my personality comes back and life goes back to normal until the next event that I get involved in either intentionally or unintentionally where my courage is put to the test and I again think I failed. I was not afraid to go to the aid of that lady. I have done much more dangerous and risky things many times before. I just didn't that time.

All the instances where I have faced physical danger do not matter now. It feels like I am the same little boy who my brother told to go outside and fight the bullies and I could not because I was afraid. I learned to face danger anyway even though I am still always afraid when I do. But I have walked the plank many times because I don't want to feel like this. Also, occasionally, there is some moral good attached..

But I just won't let myself off the hook when I feel I failed. So, maybe it's SSRI's again or maybe writing will do it.   
I am 64 and still bullied.  I could recount these kind of stories continually but who cares?.
I am my own victim.

Joel Brodsky Blows It

Drew Peterson, who allegedly killed two of his wives had a main lawyer by the name of Joel Brodsky.
 Brodsky has now ended up suing another of the lawyers on Peterson"s team, Steven A. Greenberg. Greenberg claims that Brodsky single handedly lost the murder trial for Peterson. He is also suing two news outlets including the Chicago Tribune.

 Brodsky has always seemed like the ultimate schnook to me and ill fitted to be in a big time trial. He has been associated with several firms since 1982. He gained Drew Peterson's loyalty several years ago when Peterson's murder problems started. He has done mostly small time legal matters.

He was supposedly the lawyer that blew the murder trial by not having Peterson testify even against the wishes of the other attorneys. Aw shucks Drew. Did you get unlucky by placing your faith in Brodsky? Would you hire him again? Brodsky probably worked cheap to begin with so you got what you paid for. Who ever thought that they would pass new laws just to convict you?

Bad break Just like your wives got.
You Brodsky probably couldn't make a living in traffic court.

Wouldn't you be so happy if you had gotten Peterson off?
You would be rich and famous. You'd sleep like a baby I'm sure. Your loved ones would be so proud of you. You could look at your face every morning and be so smug. But now it's back to grind grind grind.
You should have  listened to your co-counsels who had to be sharper then you and put Peterson on the stand. But.......

Pat Quinn A Good Man

I like Illinois Governor Pat Quinn. He tries to do the right thing. He is not the typical calculating, biased politician. He is openly for gay rights, increasing minimum wages and  banning  assault weapons. Yes. Its the beginning of the Governors race. Quinn's approval ratings are low but that means nothing.

He has a giant deficit to deal with. It will apparently will be almost impossible to overcome. He said "Illinois must honor the productivity of it's workers." At least his heart is in the right place even with no money to pay for anything. Mike Madigan is the one who can make things happen in Illinois. Certainly he has to have some humanity attached to that hard core exterior. Come on Mike. Help the governor. Help us all. Do the right thing. Maybe it will also help Lisa Madigan.