ONLINE SEXUAL ADDICTION

 I felt undeniable animal  attraction as I was cruising my favorite internet dating sight a while ago and then the ultimate sexual fantasy happened. I saw this picture of a gorgeous, seductive looking, tall red-head with big tits, long legs, and super sex appeal.
.
She was jumping through the screen beseeching me to go after her. She described herself in her profile as being all about fun and gratification and wanting a magical man who could enjoy blissful pleasure with her.

Well, I am a 45 year old inveterate addict attracted to any kind of action be it women, food, alcohol, drugs, and especially sex. The adrenaline rush is what I live for. So, I immediately contacted her via email, she was interested and we exchanged phone numbers and the craziness began.

One thing you don’t do on an internet dating site is get into any intimate conversations let alone hot sexual phone talk when the person on the other end might be undesirable and someone you  that you will want to run from when you meet. You go slowly on online dating.  Very slowly with words and confidential information,

Chemistry is  going to be critical when the  face to face meeting happens. Discretion is always the better part of valor. That’s the rule. You learn not to oversell yourself or overestimate the other person.
Well, when I got on the phone with Ellie I quickly threw away the rule book. We spoke briefly like  two old online dating pros. We quickly covered normal niceties such as our  histories, food preferences, travel experiences, other relationships and very few other things.

Then, we did the no no. We got intimate.  Our first conversation was amazingly free flowing and we were cerebral lovers instantly. Sweet, supercharged, sexual prose flowed easily between us like two dancers who had practiced forever.  We were both aware that we were  violating the primary rules of internet dating but neither of us cared.

We were sure we would be great in person. We had hot, hot  phone sex that was so exciting and fed right into our mutual hungers for sexual activity.
We made plans to meet the next day at her apartment. However,  just in case things didn’t work out we did make an agreement that when I got to her stairwell below her apartment and we were in full view of each other than all bets were off if there was not mutual attraction. We agreed no explanation would be necessary and either of us could  just say no. Perfect.

Well, the next day  came and there I stood on the stairs below her walk up apartment.
She buzzed me in.  I walked up to the floor below her and feasted my eyes upon a tall, sexy, beauty with giant tits, a tight ass, and long, lean legs. Everything was just as advertised. Wow!!!  Heaven, I thought as she happily waved me inside..

I knew I was golden when she smiled at me as I walked in her door, comically modeled for her and she gasped “Yes” as she fixed her eyes with no shame on my crotch.
It only got better. We were dying to get into each other bodies but we restrained ourselves and  did not even touch each other until awe had a romantic dinner. We were savoring every second while keep turning up the undeniable heat.

As the car door closed after we ate we threw away our restraints. We grabbed and jumped all over each other like hungry animals.  It was a steaming sexual frenzy. She started to lick my ear  and play with my hard cock and I put my hand in her wet panties and put my hands all over her wet pussy as we made a beeline back to her apartment.

We were quickly rolling around her big  bed getting high on reefer with steam pouring out of our sexual organs. It was fantastic. We made love for hours and hours, went to sleep about 6 am, woke up a few hours later and kept going all day till we couldn’t make love anymore. We went out for dinner and both ate like two lions that hadn’t been fed in a week. Then, we went back to her house.We made love again and went to sleep for a few hours.

She wanted me to immediately move in with her which seemed like a good idea. She had a nice big apartment, no kids and I was as free as a bird having been broken up with my last girlfriend for about 6 months. I had been divorced for 15 years for obvious reasons. So, I was as free as a bird. So was she after a long list of relationships all over the country she told me of. I kept my apartment but I was always at her place for the next  several months. We almost never left except to eat..

We began a routine of seeing each other every day although we worked different hours. We found plenty of time to be together.  Our lovemaking stayed frantically hot even after a month passed. It seemed the fire would never go out. I kept bringing more and more clothes over to her place. She cooked candlelight dinners. We had a good time when we finally  started doing normal things like going to movies,, going to book stores, and  dancing.

 After about 2 months I decided to introduce Ellie to my friends and family . They liked her. That was important.
It was all good until the fateful night I went out to dinner with my much older brother and his wife. I had confided some personal information to Ellie about family matters just as a test because I had noticed that she talked too much generally but especially when she drank. Too much talking would be a deal breaker.
I
t troubled me to hear her reveal very sensitive, personal information about her own family and past relationships even to me.. I did not like that. It we were to have a future.I needed to be able to confide in her. It seemed she could not stop talking about anything and everything when she started drinking.
I soon found out how bad and dangerous a drunk she was. Considering my own addictive past including alcoholism I saw the signals but ignored them. I wrote it off to her just drinking a little to much.
Ellie started drinking at the table and the next thing I knew she was spilling her guts to my brother and sister in law about how I had told her I had been mistreated as a child, financial information I told her about, and other information I trusted her not to repeat.
I knew immediately that we were done. There is no reasoning with alcoholics or any other addict.. I never knew but should have. I blamed myself as she blurted out  very intimate information at the dinner table.

There was no interest or pause on her part to even think before she blurted out more and more sensitive things I had told her. So, I was really pissed but held it in until we got back to her apartment. Then I started yelling at her and demeaning her for being ignorant and having a big mouth.
I told her I never wanted to see her again and I meant it.

I went back to my own apartment and had no contact with her until she soon started calling and harassing me like a lunatic.  She would scream profanities and insults in an uncontrolled way in phone calls that  calls that did not stop.. She kept calling continually over several weeks. I was going crazy but still sympathetic. I kept telling her to get help but she continued to scream profanities. .She would not stop.

I had to take decisive action against her. So I did. I called her supervisor at work as I had threatened to do. The supervisor listened to me tell her the tale of Ellie harassing me relentlessly and insanely on the phone for several weeks. .
Considering Ellie was a therapist in a psycho ward and I was talking to the head nurse I never would have imagined things could get worse after my call. Wrong. To my amazement her supervisor tore into me and blamed me and all men for Ellies troubles and her own troubles. She said “you are just another misogynist pig. Ellie was fine until she met you a few months ago. Now, she is a basket case. What did you do to her you asshole?”  Then she hung up.
I was shaking like a leaf.

I had to get this nut away from me but she continued to call and rant and rave several times a week, day and night for another week or so,  My call to her supervisor was obviously useless.
So, I decided fear would be the weapon I would battle Ellie with , I lied to her and told her I had I kept notes and remembered all her drunken ramblings when she had bragged about her crazy sexual exploits with celebrities, high ranking politicians and some well known government officials. Very embarrassing problems and harm could come to her I screamed as she finally fell silent..
She had been involved with some important people in her 43 years.

 I told her that one more call to me ever and each of those people, would be contacted and get a report of her revelations about them to me  and  explicit details of what she had told me she had done with them..
Suddenly, her voice grew soft. “Please don’t” she begged. She was scared straight because she had been into some bad  and dangerous sexual activities..
“I will never call you again" she muttered. Please don't get me hurt." I have never heard from her again.

A Compulsive Gamblers Tale

Gambling. One of the nastiest monsters of the world. Feed it and it eats your soul. Starve it and it destroys you mind. To a compulsive gambler the loss of gambling is good reason for perpetual mourning. Every ounce of desire in your body craves going back to gambling again. The adrenalin, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is enough to inspire any gambler to gamble again no matter how much they have lost.

I am not just talking about lost money. I am talking about lost health, family, friends. I am talking about losing your whole life. I have gambled for over 50 years and almost lost everything. In the last five years I have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling.
I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, blackjack. poker, and anything else I could wager on. I would win or lose thousands of dollars in one day. I figure out that I have lost well over a million dollars in my life. Enough to destroy me financially, mentally, and emotionally. But the money does not matter. It is an emotional disorder. It is an addiction that cannot be dealt with alone. Only other gamblers can help because they understand other gamblers, We are all the same. Groups are all over the country.

Still, the monster inside my brain lives on unaffected. It talks to me and says "You can do it David.". "You can set limits," "Don't go out of control, and enjoy the action. You want it." My rational mind keeps speaking at the same time. "Go to a G.A. meeting David. You are getting false messages. You are doomed if you gamble. You know that." I do know that. Now.
But, the evil voice tears at my my heart and says "just do it. "You will do it right this time. It will be OK." My logical mind needs constant reinforcement to tell me "No. Do not gamble, David" The evil gambling mind that is supported by emotion needs no nourishment. It never does..

The mind of a compulsive gambler will carry the compulsive gambling disease forever. That is the bad news. The good news is that there is help twenty four hours a day all year long in every state. There is a national hotline, website, and email address below to contact. You are not alone. There are millions of gamblers and many are able to stop, one day at a time, and change their lives..
I just celebrated my fifth year of abstinence. I have done a world of things in my 65 years of life. But none as big as stopping gambling. Everyone who cares about me knows that. I had never in the past been aware of family, friends, situations, or any the regular life experiences non-gamblers enjoy. My mind was always focused on how fast i could back into action again. Now, I pay attention to people, I'm not in a hurry to finish any activity, I am much more patient, kind, and empathetic. I am in the here and now..
So, the hardest thing for a gambler to accept is that he can never gamble again. That is too difficult to absorb immediately. But, the Gamblers Anonymous program is based on not gambling one day at a time. That is easier to accept.
The main thing is to recognize the problem. There is a whole segment of G.A for the friends and family who care about helping the gambler. It is an organization called Gam-Anon. There are Gam-Anon meetings all over even if the gambler them self will not come to a meeting.. The number is 718-352-1672 email gamanonoffice@gam-anon.org. Website http://www.gam-anon.org/

GAMBLER. GET HELP

Call 626 960-3500 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Or, go to the website www.gamblersanonymous.org

email isomain@gamblersanonymous.org
Thanks for allowing me to share this with you.

i hope it helps you..

Take a step forward.

Close

Compulsive Gambling: The Unconditional Lover

Gambling. One of the nastiest monsters of the world. Feed it and it eats your soul. Starve it and it destroys your mind. To a compulsive gambler the loss of gambling is good reason for perpetual mourning. Every ounce of desire in your body craves going back to gambling again.
The adrenalin, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is enough to inspire any gambler to go back no matter how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am talking about lost health, family, friends. Losing your whole life.
I have gambled for over 50 years and lost it all. In the last few years i have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life.

Yet, I continue to long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling. I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, and blackjack. I would win or lose thousands of dollars a day. I figured out that I have lost well over a million dollars in my life.
Enough to destroy me financially, mentally, and emotionally. Yet the monster inside my brain lives on unaffected. It says "You can do it David." You can set limits,you can avoid going out of control, and enjoy the happiness of being in action."

My rational mind keeps speaking at the same time. "Go to a G.A. meeting David. You are getting false messages. You are doomed if you gamble. You know that."
I do. But,the evil voice tears at my my heart and says "just do it. "You will do it right this time. It will be OK

The logical mind needs constant reinforcement to say no. The evil mind that is supported by emotion needs no nourishment. It never starves and is endlessly patient.
Look up Gamblers Anonymous online and find out where to call and where the local meetings are in your area..

I have not gambled a penny since January 9, 2009.
If I can stop anybody can..

You do it one day at a time.


You can only win if you don't play..

I Am A Compulsive Gambler

I am a compulsive gambler. Do you know what that means? It means that I love gambling more then I love anything else. I have lost almost all of the money I have ever made. I am now 65 years old and struggling to get by. I should be a millionaire many times over. I should have the respect of my family, friends, and many others. Instead, I only have respect from people who are in the Gamblers Anonymous meetings I attend. I have not made a bet in over 4 years as of today. Yet, I struggle constantly to resist this evil demon that pollutes my soul. I work, read, write, see my family, friends yet I cannot be comfortable with a normal life. My desires lie deep in the hell called gambling. If I were given a billion dollars to use as i pleased I would lose it all gambling. That is because there ois no cure for compulsive gambling. We are stuck with an abnormal brain forever that craves the action that always leads back to self destruction. So, I live a life of desperation. I go to GA meetings several times each week. I talk to others in the program who are the only ones who understand me. The struggle goes on and on. That is why the recidivism rate is so high. Because the gambling monster is my unconditional lover waiting for me to get sad, mad, glad or have any other feeling that will propel me back into action. So, here I am. Do you want to trade places Mr.or Mz. Gambler? You know if your relationship with gambling is abnormal. You know if you are headed towards disaster. Do you have the courage to resist those urges and change? If you do there is a Gambler Anonymous meeting near you. Look up the GA number, make the phone call, talk to someone at GA who will assuredly answer your call and give you suggestions. Save you life. The national number is 626-960-3500. Make your next bet on yourself.