COMPULSIVE
GAMBLING: AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVER
The
adrenaline, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is
enough to inspire any gambler to gamble again and again or no matter
how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am
talking about lost health, family,and friends.
About
losing everything that matters.
I gambled for over 60 years and lost it all. In the last nine years I
have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to
long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling.
Now, I am no longer owned by that urge. I own it. I only own it onlyday
at a time. So, I stay on guard and keep working with other compulsive
gamblers continually or I know I am doomed. Each day I commit to not
gambling that day get to the next day without making a bet.
Compusive gambling is an incurable, lifelong disease.That is the bad
news. The could new the condition can be arrested. You can stop.
It's not easy but it's much better than going to jail, an asylum, or
the cemetary.
I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, blackjack, or
anything at all everyday. I would win or lose thousands of dollars. I
have lost well over a million dollars before I stopped gambling over
eleven years ago in 2009.
I lost everything including my priceless soul.
The addiction of compulsive gambling is the same for all affected
whether one bets nickels or millions of dollars.We are powerless.
Gamblers cannot stop. Help is needed.
The help comes from joining Gamblers Anonymous (GA) which is a
totally free fellowship..
No one stops gambling on their own permanently. Will power alone will
not make it. I tried many times and would stop for a few months or
longer.
But, the urge to gamble waited patiently to take me down again and
again I would stay abstinent for one month to three years.
Eventually, I would start gambling.
I could not understand that I needed the help of other compulsive
gamblers to quit gambling permanently\ I always thought I could stop
on my own. I never wanted to. So, I would say I was different.
Being destroyed financially, mentally, and emotionally was not enough
to stop me. . The monster inside my brain and every other compulsive
gamblers brain still lives on unaffected by logic and reason. It says
come back to me. I love you no matter what the circumstances are.
It says "You can do it David. You can set limits, you can avoid
going out of control and just enjoy the thrill of being in action.
like a normal person..”
Simultaneously, my rational mind keeps speaking the painful truth
constantly saying. “you are powerless., you cannot stop gambling on
your own”. My compulsive gambling mental illness is much smarter
and stronger than my will.
You are doomed if you gamble David.”
I do know that now. The gambling demon in my brain does not go away.
It never will.
But, the evil voice tears at my irrational mind and says "just
do it.” You will be okay My logical mind needs constant
reinforcement to say no to that urge everyday of my life. It says
"David, you have tried to stop gambling and cannot do it alone"
Go to a gamblers anonymous meeting, call your GA. friends.
My abnormal mind is a powerful, self destructive force that needs no
nourishment. It never starves and is endlessly patient. It waits and
waits tirelessly inside myself and inside every other compulsive
gambler. It says "Come to me David. You want me"
It stalks me and tempts me like the sick, twisted, sociopath it is.
My solution, my lifelong answer came when I started to attend
Gamblers Anonymous meetings regularly which are filled with people
just like me. I faithfully attend GA meetings weekly, every week, no
matter what else is happening. My GA meetings are the biggest
responsibility I have.
Meetings come before work, family, or anything else because I know
that gambling will either drive me insane, put me in jail, or kill
me.
So, I know that my life depends on not gambling and I need the
support of other compulsive gamblers continually. I stay abstinent by
going to meetings and sharing my feelings with other gamblers whether
young or old whether they have been abstinent for one day or thirty
years.
I know that I need the positive reinforcement I get from being at GA
meetings which are plentiful all over the country and the world. Just
Google gamblers anonymous. Call the emergency phone service or have
someone call for you. People who are compulsive gamblers understand
each other.
I work the 12 steps of recovery with a sponsor and at group meetings.
I deal with personal defects that caused me endless pain and
suffering from gambling. Only from GA can I get the strength and
support of others just like me who help me through each day.
Compulsive Gamblers all share the same feelings. Only other
compulsive gamblers understand each other regardless of age,
nationality, beliefs or any other denominator. We are all the same
because we are powerless over gambling and our lives are
unmanageable. It's an easy concept to understand but tough to accept
and stick with. But, thousands of men and women are recovering
compulsive gamblers.
Look up Gamblers Anonymous online and find out where to call and
where the local meetings are in your area. Google it. There are
thousands of meetings throughout the country everyday of the year.
.There is a free, twenty four hour a day non stop helpline that can
be called by anyone, anytime. Try it.
I have not gambled a penny since January 9, 2009.
If I can stop anybody can.
But, only with help.
You can only but only if you don't play.
Gambling is my deadly lover who I never intend to return to.
Compulsive gambling is the devil.