Sunday, January 22, 2017

Compulsive Gambler Desperate To Gamble Again After 8 Years Sober


Compulsive gambler is a 67 year old male. He has not placed a bet in  8 years. He is set up for life. But, only if he does not gamble. He is thinking about giving into the urge. 


So, I have been resisting the perpetual urge to start gambling again although I have been clean and sober for over six years  If I gamble my rich, trusting lover who has stuck with me will find out quickly even if I sneak it well.. Also, my kids and few close friends would immediately lose all respect for me and I would lose all trust from everyone else. I would be cutting myself off from the easiest life one could imagine. 

I am covered financially by my very rich sugar momma only because I do not gamble. If I do gamble she would cut me off in a second. I would end up broke and living in the gutter. Now, I live in a penthouse and have plenty of money between driving a cab, making money from a promotional business, and getting social security. If I'm short of cash or want anything then all I have to do is call sugar momma..She never says no.

Still, the monster to gamble lives within me. I want to chuck it all an go back to the craps table, play online poker and bet ballgames. I want to eject myself from this life and make a furiously fast journey to          Las Vegas or just go to one of the gambling boats thirty minutes away from my house.

The addiction to gamble has remained so powerful that it eats at me every minute of every day. It is all I want to do. I am a 67 year old male who lives in a golden torture chamber..

So, I sit here  in torment. I work, hang out with friends, stay active physically, read, write. It does not matter.  I am too smart and have lived the degenerate life in previous years for too long so all I need to do is play the tape of what my life will evolve to if I go back into action.. No sugar mama, no respect from my family who I have punished, no respect from my few friends and no respect for myself.

Yet, I am tempted to throw it all away.

The hardest truth is I am a horrible gambler who almost never won and manged to lose almost two million dollars.I don't even have a plan.

 I just want to give in to the impulse and go gamble..

I need the action but I need a Gamblers Anonymous meeting worse.

I'mgoing to a  Gamblers Anonymous meeting now. 
You should too.
Good luck.


  1. Dear David,

    I think their are traits and character defects that so many gamblers share. You're not the only one who wants to give into the urge to gamble or succumb to any other vice that one is addictive to. We strive to be the best version of ourselves but that is an impossible challenge because the best version is an illusion as we beat ourselves up for not achieving the unattainable.

    Be strong. Know that you have it without yourself to make the right choices and even though you are fighting your brain on a daily basis keep fighting the fight.

    Kind regards


  2. For those interested in gambling addiction I write an honest and reflective blog about the sickness gambling causes. It's a mental health issue. You can read Diary of an Online Poker addict here: