Thursday, February 1, 2018

Will you allow Trump to destroy us Americans?



How far do you let Trump go? Are you willing to lose everything to support him? Russia is no joke. They want to destroy us and he is willing to do whatever Putin wants. What more do you have to see.?

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

I Cannot Sneeze



I have a weird, unusual, condition. I continually get stuck sneezes. I get the urge to sneeze. I go Ahhh but the Choo will not come. This has been happening almost everyday for about the last eight months. I do occasionally complete a sneeze. It seems I finally sneeze just about the time I am totally out of my mind from not being able to do so.

I have researched this problem for hundreds of hours. No good answers. I have discovered a very rare condition named “Asneezia” that kind of describes my problem. I am sure this condition is psychological. I have not sneezed in the last 5 weeks. I have only sneezed a total of about 5 times in the last eight months. I get the urge to but then I cannot release the sneeze. It is like an orgasm that cannot be completed. . I have asked everyone I know including various Doctors and they have no answer. Everyone tells me it is totally irrelevant whether a person ever sneezes or does not sneeze long as they do not try to stifle it. That can possibly cause infection in the ears and sinuses. That information does not console me.

This problem has me totally obsessed, uncomfortable, nervous and depressed all the time. I keep waiting for the next urge to sneeze to come. It usually does at least once a day but then I cannot fulfill the act. I get more and more depressed each time I fail to sneeze. The only research I have found about this problem being medical is with people who have had strokes. Sometimes their brainstem and medulla will not allow the sneeze reflex to work properly. But then there are usually other reflex problems like inability to swallow and yawn that accompany stroke victims. I have none of those symptoms.

This all started one day when a friend who was talking to me saw me go Ahhh.. She said “now go Choo” .I concentrated on what she said, got distracted, and lost the sneeze urge. I immediately got self conscious about sneezing and started focusing on it and obsessing about it. Ever since then my sneezing has been abnormal. I can actually feel myself stopping the reflex and aborting sneezes. The times I have sneezed in the last eight months are usually when I do not expect to. I never had sneezing problems before. In fact, I never even thought about sneezing. I do not ever remember not being able to sneeze when I wanted to. Now, sneezing is all I can think about.

Help. I am a 57 year old male in very good physical condition. My very neurotic mind is another story. I have suffered from many O.C.D related issues including severe anxiety and hypochondria. The main concern I have is to find someone out there who understands this inability to complete a sneeze problem. Also, I would like to know for sure it is psychological and will not hurt me physically.

Lately, I am thinking that the ability to sneeze normally will never return. I do occasionally complete a sneeze. It seems I sneeze just about the time I am totally out of my mind from not being able to do so. I have researched this problem for hundreds of hours. No good answers. I have found a very rare condition named“asneezia” that kind of describes my problem. I am sure this condition is psychological get the urge to but then I cannot release the sneeze. It is like an orgasm that will not climax. Everyone tells me it is totally irrelevant whether a person ever sneezes or does not sneeze as long as they do not try to stifle it. That can possibly cause infection in the ears and sinuses. That information does not console me. This problem has me totally obsessed, uncomfortable, nervous and depressed all the time. I keep waiting for the next urge to sneeze to come. It usually does at least once a day but then cannot fulfill the act. I get more and more depressed each time I fail to sneeze.

The only research I have found about this problem being medical is with people who have had strokes. Sometimes their brainstem and medulla will not allow the sneeze reflex to work properly. But then there are usually other reflex problems like inability to swallow and yawn that accompany stroke victims. I have none of those symptoms. This all started one day when a friend who was talking to me saw me go Ahhh. She said “now go Choo”. I concentrated on what she said, got distracted, and lost the sneeze urge. I immediately got self conscious about sneezing and started focusing on it and obsessing about it. Ever since then my sneezing has been abnormal. I can actually feel myself stopping the reflex and aborting sneezes. The times I have sneezed in the last eight months are usually when I do not expect to. I never had sneezing problems before. In fact, I never even thought about sneezing. I do not ever remember not being able to sneeze when I wanted to. Now, sneezing is all I can think about.

Anybody have answers? I am a 57 year old male in very good physical condition. My very neurotic mind is another story. I have suffered from many O.C.D related issues, anxiety and hypochondria. The main concern I have is to find someone out there who knows of this inability to complete a sneeze problem. Also, I would like to know if it is psychological and will not hurt me physically. Lately, I am thinking that the ability to sneeze normally will never return.

MY PERSONAL STORY OF CRIPPLING OCD RUINING MY LIFE



David struggles to emerge from the giant bed that takes up about half of his studio apartment at the top of an old, stately, classy building on Chicago's lakefront. This sixty nine year old tall, grey haired, fair skinned Jewish guy struggles to get his arthritic and chronically pain ridden body out of that big bed that he often lies in for unconscionable amounts of time to escape the ferocious obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that torments him.

David is happy today. Many days he is rendered entirely helpless in his otherwise healthy body, his OCD  forcing him to lie in bed completely oblivious to anything other then the torment raging in his brain. He hardly exists. He usually stares at the ceiling thinking and thinking continually about something he is afraid to do but must.

Today, he feels relief. He has a clear mind in so far as not needing to do something scary to relieve an irrational OCD demand. Today, he just feels depressed and helpless about his miserable life but happily, without  fear. to accompany his thoughts. It's a good day so far.

There is no pending need to perform a dangerous mission. Previously, over the years, he had walked through the barriers of terror to do many things despite being terrified. Facing physical fear was the only thing that relieved his obsessions. Nothing has changed very much in over fifty years. Sometimes craziness worked. But most of the time his actions had created additional overwhelming problems unnecessarily.

One example of many obsessions occurred a few weeks before.   .

The task was to find the deliveryman who spoke harshly and insultingly to a little old lady in Davids garage.
This little lady was unable to drive her car quickly enough through the garage exit gate to satisfy the nasty looking loudmouth deliveryman waiting behind her to exit. He honked and screamed at her because was having trouble with the electronic door. She looked so overwhelmed and scared by this howling asshole. 

David watched as the lady had the courage to get out of her car, and walk slowly over  to the bullies car and stick her face against his window while shaking her finger at him imploring that he show her civility and respect. David had sat frozen with fear as he watched yet another occurrence in his long life of cowardliness. He should have jumped out of his car and came to her defense. He did nothing. He was relieved to drive away without stepping in to defend the lady. The delivery guy left without further incident. David again had turned the other cheek. 

 In truth, he felt no legitimate desire  to rectify this injustice. He did not know or care about this woman. But he immediately knew he would not be able to get his act of cowardliness  out of his head without taking action against this nasty delivery guy. He knew he would not be able to rest until he tracked the guy down and confronted him and maybe punched him. That is the way these situations always evolved. Another unrelenting and mentally punishing unnecessary act to perform.

 It is all about the fear and anxiety that takes ownership of Davids soul. He felt personally victimized and bullied by witnessing the delivery guy bully the old lady. He actually cared nothing about her. David cares only about himself.

 He goes into a state of morbid fear and anxiety. It is historical. It started when David was a 5 year old child  who looked up to his bigger then life brother. The feelings of cowardliness brother Leslie instilled  had never left him. Leslie said" go outside and fight" the little neighborhood boys who often  bullied David. They were jeering at him outside his window one memorable day. Leslie watched as David looked at them and trembled. "Go ahead David, you have to fight" I won't let you get hurt. Just punch one of them in the face as hard as you can. Then, they will leave you alone".

David could only cry big tears as he stood frozen as his brother screamed "chickenshit" at him for standing and crying instead of going outside and fighting." Now get out there and start swinging" Leslie again implored.. David was too afraid. He would not go outside and fight. "I give up on you" "I am embarrassed". You are a coward". I am done with you" he screamed. He meant every word. He wrote David off that day and David knew it.

David feels almost perpetually victimized and bullied 55 plus years later. He must face any physical fear, real or imagined, and take action  He has faced danger many times sometimes with terrible consequences including serious injury and legal problems  All to relieve that childhood fear and always failing to succeed for long.. All to prove misdirected courage. All to feel like the man that Leslie wanted him to be. All to prove he did have the courage to go outside and fight the bullies.

 This time a deliveryman set him off. .

He cannot rest until he has unburdened himself of the immobilizing fear and anxiety he feels until a bully is confronted. The deliveryman was the new bully. There have been hundreds of deliverymen who have invaded Davids mind.

David cannot let go of the urge to  respond to any incident where he thinks he should have stood up to a bully and did not. He becomes overwhelmed by an obsession supported by terrible fear and anxiety. He must confront the bully. Then, the obsession either leaves or is exacerbated.

Its all about his OCD which David understands intellectually but will not confront. He cannot give himself a break. He cannot take comfort in having a mental disease that is out of his control. So, the punishment goes on and on and on. David goes from one obsession to another. Powerless.

 Obsessive compulsive disorder is all about the urge to go back and check to see if the door is locked, the lights are turned off, or any other abnormal concern that most people know about from the Jack Nicholson movie "As Good As It Gets" OCD can be completely internal with a need to do something dangerous or it can be checking and rechecking doors, lights, germs, washing hands over and over or anything else so something terrible does not happen. 
OCD is continual flawed torture of the mind with thoughts or urges that cannot be dispelled until action is taken over and over. . 

 So, today David is basking in the glory of  another fearful confrontation coming to an end. He had given in to the urge by acting out instead of living with the obsession as cognitive therapy dictates and dealing with it internally.  But, Davids mind was now clear and it was so easy to forget the therapeutic rules of OCD that David again violated. A clear mind at least for now.  A rare occasion and a day for celebration. Like a mental vacation.

 David had finally called the company and with a little b.s." and found out that the guy who hassled the old lady was at another building nearby. He saw the guys truck with him in it and pulled up next to it. He got out and the guy saw David and rolled down his window. "Can I help you sir"? Yes, said David.." Please don't harass and insult anyone in my building again. Do you remember that older lady at 4444 Early st? "Yeah" Well you had no need to hassle her while she tried to leave"."Fine" he said." It was no big deal sir" he offered. "It was to me" David said mostly to himself as. the guy pulled away.  Relief for David.. Another mission to rescue his peace of mind was completed .Confrontation completed.

  So, after that was over David was a new man. He could at last enjoy some food or drink or spending a little time with his grandchildren or friends or something other then thinking 24/7 about this guy with torturous fear and anxiety. His stomach opened and the anxiety left. .

Peace of mind is Davids most critical minute by minute objective. He desperately needs to feel safe.

Meanwhile, he wants to leave his mark in this world .He can think of no other major mark he can leave as his legacy besides his beautiful kids. There has to be more.

 To make a life long story short David decides he must gain lasting redemption. He must do something big in this world. There has to be a legacy for his wasted life. He wants fame and fortune and respect in any order.

David decides that he must write a great autobiography to justify a  life in which he has gambled away a fortune, been an irresponsible loafer, been a drug addict, a liar, a cheat, and a serial bum with no contribution except his beautiful, grown children. He thinks of the one thing he can do. Write.

Hopefully, some people with OCD will be inspired. OCD has played a huge part in his life and the life of so many others. Depression, anxiety, all the addictions are all in one big unfriendly family of mental illness.

Maybe there will be some value for another person afflicted with OCD or something else..

Saturday, September 23, 2017

OCD All Over Me Again

Same old OCD torment again.. This urge to confront a guy I play softball with is overwhelming.. I know that nothing good could come of it. I do not have anything against this guy.. But, I feel I must act out again to prove some kind of distorted courage to myself..

 I am all overwhelmed and anxiety ridden about seeing him on the field tomorrow. It feels like there can be no relief unless I confront him about a perceived issue that he already apologized for.

It is the same lifelong urge that makes an ocd person  check the lights or the stove or do a million other things to feel relief.. Only mine can get dangerous because I need apologies or physical contact to get relief.. Usually, that only makes the  OCD .urge more complicated.

 Fear of the feeling of anxiety eating away is my issue.

So, I get  a reckless idea as to how to relieve it. Many times the solutions are dangerous. I have ended up in the hospital, in jail, in mental wards, and  always living with terrible OCD thoughts for long periods of time while trying to create unsuccessful  personal solutions.

Only doing nothing about OCD urges is the solution other then therapy and medicine.

Yet, figuring out persoanl solutions seem the only way to relieve the sickening anxiety I am feeling right now. It is always the same thing. There have been countless situations like this. But, I do not evedr learn that the solutions lie within..

I know that doing nothing other then applying my knowledge to this current situation is the answer. Self acceptance is critical but I cannot take comfort in it for very long.

 All the intellectual understanding in the world fails me. Medicine helps somewhat but not enough. Peace lies within my tortured mind but I can not attach my brain to that peace for very long.

 I will now start to do the work again. I know what to do and how to do it.but I do't have the mental courage.

I will not act out on this episode.I will take the first step again to deal with my OCD from within. .

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Match.com bad management and rip off rates.

Match.com sucks. They cancelled my subscription by accident. I had argued about  app $8.00 owed  to me and unpaid by match.com as they had promised.

I have been a member almost since they opened.They are a bunch of pigs and Zina in customer service would rather argue then do business. Also, they are not keeping up with their competition.

Phony pictures and profiles fill the match site. Their automatic renewal policy is a rip off as are their rates.They do not admit to the FREE memberships offered.

The site allows people who are not online to appear as if they are. They never cancel memberships even when people have dropped out and do not pay match anymore.

Try other services.
 Match is composed of bad management..

.

Monday, September 11, 2017

David's Place: Paying Peanuts For Bloggers From Google AdSense

David's Place: Paying Peanuts For Bloggers From Google AdSense: AdSense is a mystery to me. Blogger is the free blogging site that Google owns and operates very efficiently. AdSense, owned by Google, keep...

Paying Peanuts To Bloggers From Google AdSense

AdSense is a mystery to me. Blogger is the free blogging site that Google owns and operates very efficiently. AdSense, owned by Google, keeps track of what bloggers earn. AdSense is mutually beneficial for both Google and bloggers who are paid by the amount of times their blog is clicked on..

Ad revenues are generated toward Google advertisers whose ads are placed on the same pages along with the blogs. So, it's a quid pro quo more or less. Less for any bloggers except the best and most popular who are a special few who work endlessly and are very talented. and get a lot of traffic.

I have been owed $85.24 from Google AdSense for several years. Today, I again got interested in figuring out how to get paid.

 I know that you must earn $100.00 to formally be entitled to receive a payment from Google AdSense.  However, I am sure Google pays small sums for things they need even when the amount  is less then $100.00.

They need bloggers.. There is lots of competition for us. But it takes many of us foever to earn $100.00 despite bringing in traffic to the site.

Most bloggers earn nothing at all or very small sums..I realize there are a few bloggers who make real money but I believe that statistics would show that an average blogger makes peanuts. They write for love.

I have blogged thousands of hours with heart and soul for many years because I love to write and share what I think. I have over 10,000 page views on my blog. I have earned my $85.24. and I have generated plenty of traffic for Google. I admit I have been an off and on blogger like so many others. But, I have stayed with Google Blogger..

 Blogging is fun and fulfilling.but it is hard work.  Incentives are needed to keep the army of bloggers like myself blogging away. It is unfulfilling to work for FREE. Google understands they are getting slave labor from many who cannot earn $100.00 in a reasonable period of time. But,we keep blogging anyway which only helps Google and it's advertisers..

Google could fix this problem by awarding small payments. I know it's a lot of bookkeeping and detail but it might be worth it. Part time bloggers would love that idea  and would likely blog more.

It takes forever to earn $100.00 blogging if you are just a normal person who likes to write and are not a professional blogger. .Those $1000.00 a day blogger earning figures that are tossed around  are a fantasy. Huge AdSense earnings are an almost impossible dream for most bloggers. Maybe Mashable and a few blogger superstars know how to make real money from blogging but normal bloggers makes only pennies for their hard work.

I am a senior citizen who is not computer savvy. I hardly know what a URL is. I cannot figure out most things on a computer. I am happy to just get online knowing how to perform a few simple steps with a computer.  I type with two fingers. Who cares?.

 Writing is a great, first amendment outlet.and I love unfiltered, easy to publish social commentary  the same as so many others do.. .

Google makes blogging very easy. Blogging is part of what really does make America great.. Everyone should blog. It is an easy and great way to express almost anything you feel...

Nonetheless, this $85.24 is a matter of principle. .Also, it would be good business for Google to pay out small sums to promote blogging.

Google has proven it is composed of sensitive, humane, and honest employees who respect the majority of its following of people throughout the world.  Google should do more to promote itself by compensating lots of people small sums for blogging..We are your profit center..

 I went to my Google page, to the AdSense forum, to Google Analytics on Twitter, and am now also posting this story. It has taken about three hours to write. Make another smart move Google.. Allow us non-superstar bloggers to be compensated by making payments of small sums.

 We deserve a break from you.  Blogger Bloggers generate so much revenue and passion to your site. You are all about fairness Google are you not?

Since you at Google literally see just about everything in the world  then pretend the $$85.00 you owe me is a payment for a bunch of donuts or something and not a payment for blogging.

Do that for everyone who is an occasional blogger. Who knows?.
Maybe this is a monster idea. That is how Google started out is it not?.

It is worth a test. (all rights reserved lol).

Thank you.
David
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