LOVE SICK OLD GUY SUFFERS A BROKEN HEART BECAUSE OF A BIG MOUTH

I just blew the one chance I've had in several years to find the last love of my sixty nine year old male life. I blew it because this gorgeous lady I met on match.com warned me the first time we went out that she would would never surrender to my way of trying to control and dominate her. She saw that defect as soon as she showed a little interest in me. She is a therapist, in her sixties, free spirited, financially secure, kids are grown, sexually uninhibited and open for love.
Perfect.

I was immediately swept away on our first date several months ago  My love starved self got carried away and started trying to turn a few simple kisses into an instant love story.  My seductive, aggressive style is all I ever knew and it had served me well occasionally. Mostly it had burned me in romance, money, people, business, and everything else I used it for. Despite that, I thought,that my life of loneliness was at an end. I felt I had found my final soul mate. 

Naturally,  I wanted to immediately transform this woman  on our first date into a life long relationship.  I wanted to do it all in one night. I wanted her to fall in love with me and I wanted to stay with her forever. I knew all that in five minutes...

She did not want to go on that wild ride with me. After she cautioned me about coming on to strong  as we sat in the back of this bar she gave me another warning as I obliviously kept grabbing at her.. She snapped "please" as I removed my hand. .But, I was too slow.

She announced that she wanted to leave. She asked if I always acted so aggressively when I first met someone? I knew I had messed up but I do not know how to control impulses whether it's gambling, cocaine,,or being a love junkie. I tried to explain that but was met with "no no no". "That is your stuff". I want to leave".

 So, I took her home and did not try to contact her for several months. The pain then was bad but bearable. I was only moderately love sick afterward.  I waited a few months and came back at her again.

I wrote her a few online letters explaining why she should give me another chance. I explained  that I recognized my defect and had worked on it and I had changed. I was no longer aggressive and overbearing. She  ignored my first few emails. Then, miraculously, she responded to a message I sent.. She said to call her.
When we spoke I insisted  that I really was a new man.because of the awareness she had instilled.. After the short phone conversation. we made a plan to go out  the next night.
                       

We had a great time as we talked, ate, drank, and got turned on to each other. She actually thanked me for staying after her. I was thrilled, overjoyed, elated. Don't forget that I have a lonely, unfulfilled life.  I've been divorced forever.  I have three  loving, caring who cannot do enough for me.  There are grandchildren and  friends and  acquaintances. I am very grateful. But I have no one to happily spend my days and nights with.. 

 After a long, intimate dinner we went out to my car  at my suggestion. We both took a hit of some good reefer and the the deep, passionate, intense kisses started coming. We were all over each other as if we were meant to be. Yes, nirvana I was sure., I have a new lease on life that has started with this wonderful person. Or so I thought.. .

But, the deal had not been consummated. In my sick mind it was not a genuine connection unless we had done the deed..  I was furiously thinking about how fast  we could  get to my apartment or to hers.

She was thinking differently however.. She said it had been a tremendous night and then said emphatically that although she would not sleep with me that night we should  make a plan to meet again within a few days. .

The implication was that we would make love soon enough but to give her a little time. But, also I should cool down and give her  some space.. Everything was still ok then. I was quietly trying to onceal my disappointment.

Then, I made the fatal error of speaking..

I said "why do you want to leave, it doesn't get any better then this"? "It's stupid to not stay together" She quickly responded "See, you are the same control freak  you were when we went out before"  "You think I am stupid because I want to leave?" "Are you out of your mind? " "I'm  stupid  because I don't want to go home with you tonight"?

No, no, I protested"." I'm not saying you are stupid. I'm just saying it's stupid to part company" "False" she said  "Listen to your words".
"I'm leaving right now."  And she did.

I emerged  into a horrible, state of immobilizing anxiety.. Two days  later it as painful as any mental beating  I have ever taken in my obsessive compulsive anxiety riddled life. I have been a walking dead man since she left. I have no appetite or interest in anything..
 She was the right one and I self destructed again.

Old Love Junkie

 There we were. Two 63 year old adults wrestling around on her sofa like high school kids. Me, trying for weeks to get in her pants. She, holding me off continuously insisting that necking and petting was all we would ever do. But, boy it was hot. Hot kisses, hot touching all over. So hot that she agreed to go in the other room and change into something flimsier and easier for me to get at.

 I still all my clothes on as she left the room. The Viagra I had taken earlier, just in case, had completely kicked in and I had a big, hard rod that a 16 year old would envy. She and I had been toying around for 6 weeks with hot kisses but with clothes on.

 I decided that I would go all in as I sat waiting for her to return. So, I quickly whipped off my clothes except for my underwear. She came back to see me lying on the sofa with socks and a pair of black underwear which was struggling to hold in my giant dick. Her eyes lit up and her jaw dropped as she stared at me. "Whats this"/ she asked. "I didn't tell you to take off your clothes. "I thought it was time" I shot back. Then, I grabbed her hand and put it on my hungry, elongated cock. She squeezed it and starting to stroke it as I furiously stuck my hand down her pants. I felt that moist, sweet, hot pussy and I too started to stroke. She got into it instantly. All her resistance evaporated.

 The rest was academic.  We ripped the rest of our clothes off and we made love like jungle animals.  The love we made was so hot and passionate for so long that I thought we would swallow up each others bodies. The lovemaking was endless and it was perfect. Here I was. The guy who she insisted she only wanted to be friends with and I had gotten to her soul. She looked at me after she had come the third time. She saw me with different eyes now. "You broke me" she muttered as I smiled widely. "I know" "Are you proud of yourself? she asked. "Yes" I answered honestly. Thrilled was a better word. Then, although I couldn't understand her reasoning she sent me home. She said she had to be alone to think about all that had happened.

Now, I am sitting at Starbucks alone. She has only seen me a few times since that night which was about a month ago. She has avoided being alone with me again. The harder I tried to get her under my seductive power the more she struggled to not get intimate again. Then as I got more irritated she started to realize that everything with me was about the chase and the kill. She became very disinterested quickly.

Last night, she blew me off probably for the final time. She told me no, no, no. She would not see me again.
 So, back to match.com and loneliness, and driving my cab around and around wishing I could start gambling compulsively again to relieve the misery and loneliness that is my life.