Showing posts with label impulse control. wild sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label impulse control. wild sex. Show all posts

Thursday, February 15, 2018

LOVE SICK OLD GUY SUFFERS A BROKEN HEART BECAUSE OF A BIG MOUTH

I just blew the one chance I've had in several years to find the last love of my sixty nine year old male life. I blew it because this gorgeous lady I met on match.com warned me the first time we went out that she would would never surrender to my way of trying to control and dominate her. She saw that defect as soon as she showed a little interest in me. She is a therapist, in her sixties, free spirited, financially secure, kids are grown, sexually uninhibited and open for love.
Perfect.

I was immediately swept away on our first date several months ago  My love starved self got carried away and started trying to turn a few simple kisses into an instant love story.  My seductive, aggressive style is all I ever knew and it had served me well occasionally. Mostly it had burned me in romance, money, people, business, and everything else I used it for. Despite that, I thought,that my life of loneliness was at an end. I felt I had found my final soul mate. 

Naturally,  I wanted to immediately transform this woman  on our first date into a life long relationship.  I wanted to do it all in one night. I wanted her to fall in love with me and I wanted to stay with her forever. I knew all that in five minutes...

She did not want to go on that wild ride with me. After she cautioned me about coming on to strong  as we sat in the back of this bar she gave me another warning as I obliviously kept grabbing at her.. She snapped "please" as I removed my hand. .But, I was too slow.

She announced that she wanted to leave. She asked if I always acted so aggressively when I first met someone? I knew I had messed up but I do not know how to control impulses whether it's gambling, cocaine,,or being a love junkie. I tried to explain that but was met with "no no no". "That is your stuff". I want to leave".

 So, I took her home and did not try to contact her for several months. The pain then was bad but bearable. I was only moderately love sick afterward.  I waited a few months and came back at her again.

I wrote her a few online letters explaining why she should give me another chance. I explained  that I recognized my defect and had worked on it and I had changed. I was no longer aggressive and overbearing. She  ignored my first few emails. Then, miraculously, she responded to a message I sent.. She said to call her.
When we spoke I insisted  that I really was a new man.because of the awareness she had instilled.. After the short phone conversation. we made a plan to go out  the next night.
                       
We had a great time as we talked, ate, drank, and got turned on to each other. She actually thanked me for staying after her. I was thrilled, overjoyed, elated. Don't forget that I have a lonely, unfulfilled life.  I've been divorced forever.  I have three  loving, caring who cannot do enough for me.  There are grandchildren and  friends and  acquaintances. I am very grateful. But I have no one to happily spend my days and nights with.. 

 After a long, intimate dinner we went out to my car  at my suggestion. We both took a hit of some good reefer and the the deep, passionate, intense kisses started coming. We were all over each other as if we were meant to be. Yes, nirvana I was sure., I have a new lease on life that has started with this wonderful person. Or so I thought.. .

But, the deal had not been consummated. In my sick mind it was not a genuine connection unless we had done the deed..  I was furiously thinking about how fast  we could  get to my apartment or to hers.

She was thinking differently however.. She said it had been a tremendous night and then said emphatically that although she would not sleep with me that night we should  make a plan to meet again within a few days. .

The implication was that we would make love soon enough but to give her a little time. But, also I should cool down and give her  some space.. Everything was still ok then. I was quietly trying to onceal my disappointment.

Then, I made the fatal error of speaking..

I said "why do you want to leave, it doesn't get any better then this"? "It's stupid to not stay together" She quickly responded "See, you are the same control freak  you were when we went out before"  "You think I am stupid because I want to leave?" "Are you out of your mind? " "I'm  stupid  because I don't want to go home with you tonight"?

No, no, I protested"." I'm not saying you are stupid. I'm just saying it's stupid to part company" "False" she said  "Listen to your words".
"I'm leaving right now."  And she did.

I emerged  into a horrible, state of immobilizing anxiety.. Two days  later it as painful as any mental beating  I have ever taken in my obsessive compulsive anxiety riddled life. I have been a walking dead man since she left. I have no appetite or interest in anything..
 She was the right one and I self destructed again.