I have had Irritable Bowel Syndrome, (IBS) for a long time. That condition results in many episodes of stomach distress such as gas, bloating, constipation and diarrhea. Well, disaster struck a few days ago. I was driving on a busy Chicago st. when I felt bad gas pains. I knew diarrhea was coming quickly so I started looking for any structure with a toilet. I did not care where parked. I was ready to stop in the middle of the street. It was that bad. I spotted a building with a parking lot and pulled in.
My load was about to explode as I opened the car door and bolted for the entrance of wherever I was. I got about two steps and I knew I was a goner. The diarrhea exploded into my underwear soaking through my jeans. My stomach dumped another load into my already soaked and nauseating underwear seconds later..
I waddled back to the car and pushed the button to open the trunk. Then, I waddled again to the back of the trunk to use as cover. I pulled off my jeans and underwear and threw them in the trunk. I was wearing a sweatshirt and wrapped it around my bare torso. I looked into the jam packed trunk and found some paper towels and a pint of water. It was like discovering gold.
, I started pouring water on the paper towels and trying to clean up enough to start driving again without polluting the car with my shit stained ass, Each wipe seemed like eternity. I kept peering around hoping no one would see me. Finally, I was cleaned up enough so it felt possible to drive back home.
I wrapped my unsoiled, thin jacket around my naked torso and fumbled back behind the wheel.
I tied the unscathed little jacket around my waist. It would have to be my main wardrobe component to cover my bare ass and protect the cars upholstery. I struggled miserably in traffic for 30 minutes to get back to my underground garage space. I fortunately had no more accidents.
The garage was loaded with tenants because it was a busy Saturday afternoon. I gingerly half jogged into the garage doorway holding the jacket over my nakedness. I made it to the eternally slow elevators with two couples waiting with me keeping me company who naturally were going to higher floors then I. They didn't notice anything about my weird attire. I wondered, however, if they could smell me as we rode up..
I finally got to my apartment, threw off my jacket and sweatshirt and lunged into my bathroom. I never appreciated my shower until Saturday. Then I fell in love with it as the water splashed on me.
I washed furiously and started to feel human again as I contemplated my next move which would be redressing and going back downstairs to my car, spraying the entire interior and throwing the stink ridden clothes into the garbage can. I then did a major clothes wash and an hour later the ordeal was over except for spraying my car to get rid of any smells I could detect.
. A few hours later when I went back to the car it smelled fresh. The smell had not infiltrated the interiors.. What a nightmare.
