Gambling. One of the nastiest monsters of the world. Feed it and it eats your soul. Starve it and it destroys your mind. To a real compulsive gambler the loss of gambling is good reason for perpetual mourning. Every ounce of desire in your body craves going back to gambling again.
The adrenaline, the euphoria, the joy of knowing you will be in action is enough to inspire any gambler to gamble again or relapse no matter how much they have lost. I am not just talking about lost money. I am talking about lost health, family, and friends. About losing everything that matters.
I gambled for over 50 years and lost it all. In the last nine years I have quit gambling and slowly rebuilt my life. Yet, I continue to long for my greatest friend and unconditional lover. Gambling. But I am no longer owned by that urge. I own it. But, I only own it one day at a time. So I stay on guard and keep working with other compulsive gamblers continually or I know I am doomed. Each day, I commit to not gambling that day and then I get to the next day. It's not easy but it's way better than dying.
I was a very big gambler betting on sports, craps, blackjack, anything at all. I would win or lose thousands of dollars a day. I had lost well over a million dollars in my life before I stopped gambling nine years ago. My last bet was on January 9, 2009. I also lost my priceless soul. I was a total degenerate.
The addiction of compulsive gambling is the same for all affected whether one bets nickels or thousands of dollars. It's all about powerlessness over gambling. A compulsive gambler cannot stop permanently without help. The help comes from joining Gamblers Anonymous which is totally free.
No one stops gambling on their own permanently. Will power alone will not make it. I tried many times and would stop for a few months or longer. But, the urge to gamble again waited patiently to take me down. Eventually, I would start gambling. I could not understand that I needed the help of other compulsive gamblers to stop gambling permanently. I quit over and over. But, I could not stay sober from betting.
Being destroyed financially, mentally, and emotionally is not enough. The monster inside my brain and every other compulsive gamblers brain still lives on unaffected by logic and reason. It says "You can do it David." You can set limits, you can avoid going out of control and enjoy the thrill of being in action." My rational mind keeps speaking at the same time. "Go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting David. You are getting false messages. You are doomed if you gamble. You know that."
I do know that now. The gambling demon in my brain does not go away. It never will But, the evil voice tears at my irrational mind and says "just do it. "You will do it like a normal person this time. You will be ok" My logical mind needs constant reinforcement to say no to that urge everyday of my life. It says "David, you have tried to stop gambling and cannot do it alone."
My abnormal mind is a powerful, self destructive force that needs no nourishment. It never starves and is endlessly patient. It waits and waits tirelessly inside of myself and inside every other compulsive gambler. It says "Come to me David. You want me" It stalks me and tempts me like the sick, twisted, sociopath it is.
My solution, my lifelong answer came when I started to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings regularly which are filled with people just like me. I faithfully attend GA meetings weekly, every week, no matter what else is happening. My GA meetings are the biggest responsibility I have. Meetings come before work, family, or anything else because I know that gambling will either drive me insane, put me in jail, or kill me.
So, I know that my life depends on not gambling and I need the support of other compulsive gamblers continually. I stay abstinent by going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings and sharing my feelings with other gamblers whether young or old whether they have been abstinent for one day or thirty years. I know that I need the positive reinforcement I get from being at GA meetings which are plentiful all over the country and the world.
I work the 12 steps of recovery with a sponsor and at group meetings. I deal with personal defects that caused me endless pain and suffering from gambling. Only from GA can I get the strength and support of others just like me who help me through each day.
Compulsive Gamblers all share the same feelings. Only other compulsive gamblers understand each other regardless of age, nationality, beliefs or any other denominator. We are all the same because we are powerless over gambling and our lives are unmanageable. It's easy to understand but tough to accept and stick with. But, thousands of men and women are recovering compulsive gamblers.
Look up Gamblers Anonymous online and find out where to call and where the local meetings are in your area. Google it.
Its easy to check out. A spouse or friend can check it out for you. There is a free, twenty four hour a day non stop helpline that can be called by anyone, anytime. Try it.
I have not gambled a penny since January 9, 2009. If I can stop anybody can.
But, only with help.
You can only win if you don't play.
